Rethinking the Cross

I am ashamed to say so, but in thinking about the cross, and John 3:16, I've always kind of compared it to getting a spanking as a child. "God so loved the world that He gave His only Son", was like, "You know I hate spanking you; this hurts me more than it hurts you". I'm sorry. ....It's absolutely horrible, I confess. I've never admitted that to anyone before, ever.

BUT, a few weeks ago, I was holding Eliot, watching her so innocently sleeping in my arms, and things became a little clearer. I was thinking about how greatly I love this little baby, who's personality is only beginning to form, and then my thoughts suddenly turned toward the cross. I started listening, as if I were in an audience. A rush of humility came over me.

It has always been true that I am a protector. I am fierce when it comes to protecting those I love, whether it be my family, friends, or children of my friends. I would MUCH rather put myself out there than to have anyone I love be in harm's way. If you asked me to defend those I love I have no doubt I would be there and do whatever it took. I would fight until there was no more fight in me.

However, if you told me I would have to sacrifice someone I loved, greater still, one of my beloved children ......quite frankly, I would tell you to go to ....., um, I would use very ugly words and punch you in the face. Sorry to be so harsh, but I can't communicate passionately enough that, there's just no way I could allow it. This is where my logic previously stopped. I secretly judged God for not sacrificing himself, instead of His son. I always kind of felt sorry for Jesus, as I do for children whose parents use that lame line, just before setting their buns on fire. (although, as a parent, I do understand the meaning behind this over-used cliche, but come on!!!)

As I held Eliot in my arms, I thought about my intense love for her. I thought how God loves her even more than I have ever imagined loving her. ...my thoughts continued down this path: if God loves Elle that much, then He must love Jesus, His own son, even more. ...God must love Jesus more than anything. ....He loves Jesus more than He loves himself. The most precious thing to Him, is His son.

When it comes to sacrifice, my most prized possession isn't my life, ..it's Eliot's, and Raegan's, Reece's, and Gavin's. I love you enough to sacrifice myself, but I don't love you enough to sacrifice my most prized possessions...not even one. I don't love anyone that much.

God does, and He did.

whoa! ..blown away.

I, for the first time, understood that it would have been so much easier for Him to sacrifice himself, rather than to watch His most prized possession be unappreciated, ..lied about, ..mistreated, ..abused, ..ultimately murdered. I KNOW that is nothing I could do. I just couldn't, but I am so thankful He did.

Thank you, Lord, for letting your grace be great when it comes to this punk, ignorant, arrogant child, who thinks she knows something about the Father you are or aren't. I praise you, Lord for your mercy in not striking me dead as I secretly mocked your enormous sacrifice. Please forgive me.

You are so good, Lord. You are so good to me. Thank you for your patient love that never gives up, despite my rebellious spirit. Thank you for loving me, ...really loving me. I am completely humbled.