Betrayal...the sting meant to kill

Betrayal has left a trail of great pain and heart ache throughout my journey of faith, beginning my junior year in high school.  Someone close to me started a rumor in my school that I had had sex with my boyfriend.

I was a very outspoken, bold and, more frequently than I would have liked, judgmental and arrogant Christian.  The problem was that I was also very flirtatious and sexual in my nature, having been exposed early in my life to sexual abuse and pornography.  Ashamedly, this lie was not hard to believe by those close to me.  It was a lie.  I had not had sex with my boyfriend, in any form, but I was certainly and sadly not beyond reproach.  I lost most of my friends that year.  My reputation was trashed.

Of course, the Lord is faithful and provided some sweet, sweet friends from my youth group that stood by me, comforted me, believed in me, and were a great source of fun and laughter.  Even though the sting of that betrayal hurt and was a sad time for me, I can look back on that experience with much gratitude.  That began a season of me getting serious about my faith.  My boyfriend and I were too physical, and breaking up with him was the first time I experienced denying myself to follow Jesus.  I was spared from the party scene because my only friends were in my youth group.  Even though I had accepted Jesus as my Savior when I was five years old, my faith was in the baby stages of becoming my own.

I look back and see beauty from something meant to destroy me.

Betrayal hurts.  it stings.  ...It's meant to do so.  ...it's meant to kill.
It causes you to question everything around you
....who you are
....who your friends are
....what is truth?
...what is real?

...because betrayal can only come from someone you love and trust.        ...devastating.

...haven't we all our own stories and history with betrayal?  ...the sting that is meant to kill? 

Certainly our Savior knows betrayal better than me, better than any of us.  However, Judas' betrayal did not kill our Savior.... He willing laid down His life.  He did not defend himself against the lies and accusations....not even against the betrayal itself.

Perhaps the power of the effects of betrayal is in our hands. Of course it is!  We control whether or not that sting succeeds or fails in killing us.  It is a decision we make every day - to choose life (truth) or death (lies).  The enemy has no control over me.  I am a new creation, covered in the life-blood of Jesus.  I don't have to let betrayal's sting bring death to my spirit.  It is my choice.

...some days are easier than others.

Some days I need my Dad to help me; to remind me who I am; to remind me who my betrayer is - in His eyes; and to remember ....over and over again... that our battle has nothing to do with men and women.  We all have one common enemy, and he is already defeated.

So, as I'm having a day where the sting is hurting a little more than usual...
...as I battle feelings of depression..
...as I run through memory after painful memory still trying to make sense of it all...
...as I take time to rest in You, my Comforter...
I struggle to turn my eyes to you, Father.  I trust You.  I know You are good.  I know You are faithful and will never leave me.  I know that You are for me...You will never forsake me in my weakness.  I bless Your name.  You are worthy of all praise and honor and glory.  I choose to hear Your truth.

Sing over me...