To the Three

This is a letter I just finished writing to the three men the Lord used to bring redemption to our marriage nine years ago. It was 4:00 in the morning when I began writing, awoken with this on my heart...

To Jon, Jeremy and Stephen,

I find my cup overflowing with thankfulness for the three of you, as I'm awoken this Tuesday morning. I've heard Gavin say on multiple occasions that had the three of you patted him on the back that dark October night in 2000, and told him not to feel bad - everything was going to be okay, that the two of us would most likely not be where we are today. Through your love the Lord brought redemption to our marriage that we continue to walk out - that night.

I always dreamed of having a husband that was a spiritual leader, loved me and our children - but truly, I never imagined a husband and father as amazing as Gavin is, and is continuing to become. I was flipping through one of the random bibles we have lying around the house in the middle of the night recently and was led to Hebrews... it was the very bible that Gavin had used during those three days of death. It was marked up with red pen and at one point a line was drawn to the bottom of the page, pointing to words he had written, "I am an adulterer". My heart sank and at the same time was overwhelmed with thankfulness. It sank because my heart hurt for the man that wrote those words, in great pain and revelation, and was overwhelmed because that is not the man I am married to anymore...nor have been since that day.

In our current community we are dealing with a need for church discipline. We have gotten a LOT of push back. There is a severe lack of understanding where church discipline is concerned. Too many are focused on the Grace of our Lord Jesus and fail to realize that very grace is not extended unless there is repentance. The prayer of my heart is that the Lord would rise up His body to come around this family in need. He is stirring, and has been for some time. We're so thankful to see all that He is doing - but this family hangs over a flaming fire that is hungry to devour it... Though the mom and her four children are living with us, and have been since January, we had no previous relationship with them. Gavin has done his part faithfully, but the Body is what is needed and sorely lacking. Church discipline, done properly and led by the Spirit, has almost completely disappeared from our current religious structure - this is the most damning aspect of the modern "church".

I praise the Lord everyday, but especially recently, for the way He covered us during that pivotal season in our marriage. That we were NOT left out to dry; that we had intimate relationships around us and men that cared enough about Gavin not to let him loose everything; that were led by the Spirit; that saw church discipline as mercy instead of "judgment", (righteous anger as loving instead of condemning - that yelled at him, and loved him in the same breathe). I know who my Redeemer is, but I also know who He used that night and the three days to follow.....and I'll never forget it.

Our marriage was dead for three days, and on the third day resurrected and given new life. This Easter season, I'm reminded of the One who made that possible, and the one's he choose to use. I love you, my brothers.

The Christ in me sees the Christ in you,
em