I have so much to be thankful for, as I sit here in my room. Gavin is wrestling with Elle on our bed; Marno is braiding Raegan's hair; Reece is walking around brushing her hair having just had a bath; Sutton is sleeping (I'm not sure how) in her cradle; and Mimi is watching it all smiling. This is our first day home since we left on Monday for the hospital.
I definitely envisioned this moment, but could never have anticipated all that would take place from Monday until now...
Reader's digest version: I started having contractions Monday morning around 7:30, called Gavin and asked him to come on home from work around lunch time, headed into the doctor's office and found out that my water had been broken for days (a small pin hole leak), and checked into the hospital by 1:30. After intense labor for 5hrs and no progress, and seeing that the baby was in distress, the doctor determined that I would have to have a c-section. Minutes later I found myself in the operating room. Sutton Vian was born at 6:11pm. ...it was very surreal, and strange, and surprising.
As I've reflected on all that happened, my heart has caught up with my head and I'm so thankful. It would be untruthful to say that I wasn't a little disappointed about not having a boy, or that having a c-section wasn't a sad thing for me. I knew at the time that the most important thing was getting the baby out safely and that having a c-section was NOT a big deal - with tears streaming down my face, it was clear that my heart wasn't there.
I've said from the beginning of this pregnancy that I had released the desire to have a boy. I really do trust the Lord and His divine wisdom in the make-up of our family. I completely want whatever He wants for our family. ...but in these last few weeks I had started to hope for a boy. When I heard we had just given birth to a girl I knew that was God's divine wisdom and was thankful for a healthy baby girl - but my heart wasn't there.
Gavin is amazing. He's so thrilled with our little girl. I know how much he wanted a boy, and yet he is truly thrilled, and content with all our girls. He is so happy.
I talked to my friend, Meredith, the next day and told her that my heart was having a hard time catching up with what I knew to be true. She loves me, and encouraged me to remember that hormones had a lot to do with that, but I knew there was something more. After hanging up the phone, I took a deep breath and started counting my blessings. I haven't stopped since...
The Lord lovingly reminded me of something I already knew. When we had Raegan we were told that I have an inverted pelvic bone. That not only makes the birthing process extremely painful, but also extremely difficult. Raegan, Reece and Eliot were all smaller babies than Sutton. She was over a pound bigger than Elliot, the biggest of the three. Sutton would never have made it through my body.
God is good. I have an inverted pelvic bone and yet I have four babies, three of which made it through my body without major surgery. That is amazing.
God is good. We have four beautiful girls. Raegan is our thinker, Reece is our care-giver, Eliot is our activist, and Sutton is our peace maker. That is amazing. I'm so excited to see how they each develop and grow in their relationships with the Lord, each other, and in these gifts they've been given.
Sutton is precious. She has such a sweet disposition. She's dreamy. My heart is full. I'm so thankful. The girls are beside themselves with excitement. Eliot loves her baby sister. She's already very proud of her. They can't hold Sutton enough.
God is so good. I have SO much to be thankful for, and I am. Thank you all for your loving encouragement.
(I found the cord for my camera and will be uploading pictures tonight!! stay tuned:))
4 comments:
All four of those beautiful girls are amazing. What a blessing to be a parent and to be able to parent these girls. I am sure that God has big, big plans for all four of them. I am blessed to have you my sister and to be able to love your family so freely. Thanks for allowing me to be the kind of aunt I always dreamed of becoming.
Love you all, can't wait to be back with you!
Dearest Emily~ you have been on my mind all week. We are so thankful for Sutton. She is a little doll. I love her nose. I enjoyed reading your heart, but yearned to be there to squeeze you and tell you, face to face, how amazing you are.
I can't wait to hear more about your days. Give yourself a lot of grace and hold on for the ride. You are a good mama and you'll get through this recovery period. Lean into Gavin, your girls and your closest friends and family. Communicate your needs. Everything is going to be okay.
Hooray for another sweet baby girl!!! I love her name. Okay, I am rambling now. I miss you.
Love you.
I've been bad about keeping up with your blog. I am so happy to hear your news and see Sutton. I love her name and her pictures brought tears to my eyes. BIG congratulations to your whole family. It's exciting to see God in action in such a tangible, gracious way!
Congratulations Emily & Family! I'm just now looking at your blog and reading about your newest baby- she is so sweet! I had a c-section with Sydney (my first), and then VBACs with Ethan & Reid. I know the recovery (physically and emotionally) is harder w/ a c-section. Give yourself time to heal and let others help. I found if I tried to do too much, I ended up hurting even worse than I did before (but I am just now realizing that you posted this on 4/9, so you're probably doing great by now! :-)) I think, though, it did take me some time to grieve over not having a vaginal birth, and from what I hear, that's very normal. I hope you all adjust well to being a family of 4, and again, congratulations!
Love,
Melanie
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