A friend of mine asked the question "Would we still trust even if the Red Sea didn't part" in regard to our desire to see miracles happen, often missing the miracle that is normalcy.
great question, huh?
Several posts have inspired this pondering today. I won't go into it, but it has caused me to think back on a time when the "Red Sea" didn't part and I, in response, questioned the goodness of our amazing Father God.
We had just come off of a year of redemption in many ways. The city we had loved and left was given back to us. We loved being back in Boston. We returned with two small children after four years of being barren. The job Gavin loved and found favor in was given back to him in the form of a new company and new responsibilities. We bought the cutest 4 bedroom home in Cambridge, MA and attended worship at Cambridge Vineyard, experiencing worship in its fullness as we never had before.... or have experienced since. Friendships left behind were restored and new friendships were made that continue to shape and influence our lives today.
...it wasn't the easiest of years but it felt good. It felt very Job-ish. :)
To our surprise that Job season was much shorter than we had anticipated.
We were being called elsewhere. ....we were very clearly being called outside of our comfort zone. The calling was to move to Fort Thomas, KY to help start a community-based church with Vineyard affiliation, and with friends we had known during our previous time in Boston (Marblehead, to be specific). After months of trying to figure out how to make this work, sale our home, and jokingly try to convince Father and the team that we should really be doing this in New England...preferably Cambridge :) ....we said yes and made preparations to move.
Our home didn't sell. Gavin left his job and began his own business consulting company. We had two littles at the time. Boy, was this going to be an adventure! We knew the Lord would provide. He had made it very clear that He was asking us to do this now, without the house selling. We left Job behind and now were stepping into Abraham's shoes...
This story is already way too long, but to sum it up quickly. There were months when we didn't have the rent on time for the ugly 2 bedroom apartment ...that was decorated back in the 70s ...and never updated. There were months when we couldn't pay our mortgage on our Cambridge home. Our home went into foreclosure, our credit was ruined, and I wondered why in the world the Lord would have called us out to this place and not provide for our needs!!! I was more than a little jaded. I was pretty much pissed off.
We had been obedient! Now everything was supposed to be smooth sailing! We were careful with our money, very open-handed with all we had and loved to share what we were given. We were doing everything the way we were supposed to...! (I still get a knot in my stomach when I remember how dumbfounded I was in that confusion. ....still trying to figure out if He really was ...good.)
....the reality was far from smooth. The "Red Sea" didn't part.
....at least not the "Red Sea" I was looking at...
I've become a child always on the look-out for Redemption!
My sweet Father has conditioned me this way,
and He loves to surprise me!
Had we sold our home in Cambridge, we would have bought a home in KY, but that was not Father's plan. He knew that our time in KY was important, but also short. After a year and a half, Gavin felt led to accept a position in D.C. - totally out of left field for me. I was sure it was a mistake!
...it wasn't a mistake at all. It was exactly what our family needed and where we were called to be.
Had we sold our home in Cambridge, we would have bought a home in VA, but that was not Father's plan, either. He had a house prepared for us to rent ...way bigger than anything we would have ever considered, with a plan ...way bigger than anything we would have ever dreamed. (...saved for another post)
About a year after moving to VA, I was enlightened with this truth:
good credit is not a Need.
I was still processing the previous two years and the reality of our Cambridge home being in foreclosure again, when He opened my eyes to His provision.
The truth is, we never went hungry.
We had way more clothes than we needed.
We never lost our home in Cambridge.
The rent may have been late, but was always paid.
Every single need .....n.e.e.d..... was provided.
As soon as I realized this was true ...my credit score has no value in my Father's world - good or bad
...I was free! ....the sound of chains falling to the ground.
The "Red Sea" parted for me and I saw how good ....really good... is my Dad.
He is good. He is a good Father. He always provides what we need
...and so often abundantly more than what we need.
(Our home in Cambridge sold shortly after that revelation......... He's got a great sense of humor:))
I must say:
We learned so many invaluable lessons during that Abrahamic season in KY that I wouldn't trade for the best credit score attainable. I'm abundantly thankful for our time there. We are blessed with deep friendships that have changed our lives and continue to bless us beyond words. The community there is still thriving and we regularly visit, as well as, host many from that beloved community in our home.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Betrayal...the sting meant to kill
Betrayal has left a trail of great pain and heart ache throughout my journey of faith, beginning my junior year in high school. Someone close to me started a rumor in my school that I had had sex with my boyfriend.
I was a very outspoken, bold and, more frequently than I would have liked, judgmental and arrogant Christian. The problem was that I was also very flirtatious and sexual in my nature, having been exposed early in my life to sexual abuse and pornography. Ashamedly, this lie was not hard to believe by those close to me. It was a lie. I had not had sex with my boyfriend, in any form, but I was certainly and sadly not beyond reproach. I lost most of my friends that year. My reputation was trashed.
Of course, the Lord is faithful and provided some sweet, sweet friends from my youth group that stood by me, comforted me, believed in me, and were a great source of fun and laughter. Even though the sting of that betrayal hurt and was a sad time for me, I can look back on that experience with much gratitude. That began a season of me getting serious about my faith. My boyfriend and I were too physical, and breaking up with him was the first time I experienced denying myself to follow Jesus. I was spared from the party scene because my only friends were in my youth group. Even though I had accepted Jesus as my Savior when I was five years old, my faith was in the baby stages of becoming my own.
I look back and see beauty from something meant to destroy me.
Betrayal hurts. it stings. ...It's meant to do so. ...it's meant to kill.
It causes you to question everything around you
....who you are
....who your friends are
....what is truth?
...what is real?
...because betrayal can only come from someone you love and trust. ...devastating.
...haven't we all our own stories and history with betrayal? ...the sting that is meant to kill?
Certainly our Savior knows betrayal better than me, better than any of us. However, Judas' betrayal did not kill our Savior.... He willing laid down His life. He did not defend himself against the lies and accusations....not even against the betrayal itself.
Perhaps the power of the effects of betrayal is in our hands. Of course it is! We control whether or not that sting succeeds or fails in killing us. It is a decision we make every day - to choose life (truth) or death (lies). The enemy has no control over me. I am a new creation, covered in the life-blood of Jesus. I don't have to let betrayal's sting bring death to my spirit. It is my choice.
...some days are easier than others.
Some days I need my Dad to help me; to remind me who I am; to remind me who my betrayer is - in His eyes; and to remember ....over and over again... that our battle has nothing to do with men and women. We all have one common enemy, and he is already defeated.
So, as I'm having a day where the sting is hurting a little more than usual...
...as I battle feelings of depression..
...as I run through memory after painful memory still trying to make sense of it all...
...as I take time to rest in You, my Comforter...
I struggle to turn my eyes to you, Father. I trust You. I know You are good. I know You are faithful and will never leave me. I know that You are for me...You will never forsake me in my weakness. I bless Your name. You are worthy of all praise and honor and glory. I choose to hear Your truth.
Sing over me...
I was a very outspoken, bold and, more frequently than I would have liked, judgmental and arrogant Christian. The problem was that I was also very flirtatious and sexual in my nature, having been exposed early in my life to sexual abuse and pornography. Ashamedly, this lie was not hard to believe by those close to me. It was a lie. I had not had sex with my boyfriend, in any form, but I was certainly and sadly not beyond reproach. I lost most of my friends that year. My reputation was trashed.
Of course, the Lord is faithful and provided some sweet, sweet friends from my youth group that stood by me, comforted me, believed in me, and were a great source of fun and laughter. Even though the sting of that betrayal hurt and was a sad time for me, I can look back on that experience with much gratitude. That began a season of me getting serious about my faith. My boyfriend and I were too physical, and breaking up with him was the first time I experienced denying myself to follow Jesus. I was spared from the party scene because my only friends were in my youth group. Even though I had accepted Jesus as my Savior when I was five years old, my faith was in the baby stages of becoming my own.
I look back and see beauty from something meant to destroy me.
Betrayal hurts. it stings. ...It's meant to do so. ...it's meant to kill.
It causes you to question everything around you
....who you are
....who your friends are
....what is truth?
...what is real?
...because betrayal can only come from someone you love and trust. ...devastating.
...haven't we all our own stories and history with betrayal? ...the sting that is meant to kill?
Certainly our Savior knows betrayal better than me, better than any of us. However, Judas' betrayal did not kill our Savior.... He willing laid down His life. He did not defend himself against the lies and accusations....not even against the betrayal itself.
Perhaps the power of the effects of betrayal is in our hands. Of course it is! We control whether or not that sting succeeds or fails in killing us. It is a decision we make every day - to choose life (truth) or death (lies). The enemy has no control over me. I am a new creation, covered in the life-blood of Jesus. I don't have to let betrayal's sting bring death to my spirit. It is my choice.
...some days are easier than others.
Some days I need my Dad to help me; to remind me who I am; to remind me who my betrayer is - in His eyes; and to remember ....over and over again... that our battle has nothing to do with men and women. We all have one common enemy, and he is already defeated.
So, as I'm having a day where the sting is hurting a little more than usual...
...as I battle feelings of depression..
...as I run through memory after painful memory still trying to make sense of it all...
...as I take time to rest in You, my Comforter...
I struggle to turn my eyes to you, Father. I trust You. I know You are good. I know You are faithful and will never leave me. I know that You are for me...You will never forsake me in my weakness. I bless Your name. You are worthy of all praise and honor and glory. I choose to hear Your truth.
Sing over me...
Friday, March 14, 2014
another slice of humble pie, please?
I just took a walk through memory lane and read some previous posts..... Can I say how embarrassed I am? I immediately think of high school - yikes! I remember those days, much like I feel when I read these previous posts, with great embarrassment at my bold arrogance. I'm not interested in being less bold, but what I want to be known for certainly seems to have shifted. I can feel the angst in those previous posts.
I want to be known for how I love, not who I vote for. I can't say I won't engage in political banter again, but I hope if/when I do it will be with much more humility and less arrogance. Lord, have mercy...:) My opinions around President Obama haven't changed. He hasn't done everything I hoped and has done things I don't like, but that's true of every president that has come before him and every one that is yet to come. I am thankful for our President. I respect and love his heart and his family.
However, I do repent for my disdain and disrespect toward Mrs. Palin and Mr. McCain. ...those were words from an arrogant little girl who spoke of things she did not know. I repent.
I hope this will be a place where the Lover of my soul is revealed and glorified... the One that has won my heart and continues to woe my will...
I still find myself fighting that overwhelming struggle that Paul spoke of - doing what I do not want to do, and not doing what I want and know to do. ...Lord have mercy. I repent.
I still desire, more than ever before, that He be glorified in me and I disappear... sometimes that gets twisted and I just want to disappear... it's been a sad year.
So I count my blessings. I count my blessings and my spirit is lifted. I know the One that works all things together for my good, and the good of those I love, is faithful. the Great Redeemer ...nothing is beyond His redemption ...even this body that feels impossible to change.
and I remember that "forgiveness is the air [I] breath".
One day at a time ....this day. ...this moment.
One step at a time ....this step.
Lord have mercy.
I want to be known for how I love, not who I vote for. I can't say I won't engage in political banter again, but I hope if/when I do it will be with much more humility and less arrogance. Lord, have mercy...:) My opinions around President Obama haven't changed. He hasn't done everything I hoped and has done things I don't like, but that's true of every president that has come before him and every one that is yet to come. I am thankful for our President. I respect and love his heart and his family.
However, I do repent for my disdain and disrespect toward Mrs. Palin and Mr. McCain. ...those were words from an arrogant little girl who spoke of things she did not know. I repent.
I hope this will be a place where the Lover of my soul is revealed and glorified... the One that has won my heart and continues to woe my will...
I still find myself fighting that overwhelming struggle that Paul spoke of - doing what I do not want to do, and not doing what I want and know to do. ...Lord have mercy. I repent.
I still desire, more than ever before, that He be glorified in me and I disappear... sometimes that gets twisted and I just want to disappear... it's been a sad year.
So I count my blessings. I count my blessings and my spirit is lifted. I know the One that works all things together for my good, and the good of those I love, is faithful. the Great Redeemer ...nothing is beyond His redemption ...even this body that feels impossible to change.
and I remember that "forgiveness is the air [I] breath".
One day at a time ....this day. ...this moment.
One step at a time ....this step.
Lord have mercy.
Hi! My name is Emily, and yours?
I haven't even looked to see when I last posted, but I know it's at least been more than a year. ...to say so much has changed would be a gross understatement. It would be impossible to catch up so I'm starting fresh.
I'm sure, as my Father continues to bring healing over this last season and I process...as I always do - verbally, that details of the past year+ will be revealed. There is a lot to process.
*disclaimer - This is a medium I choose to use for processing what I'm experiencing and hearing from my Father. It's also an amateur training ground for writing....something I want to do more of. If you're encouraged, I'm blessed....but that's not expected. I have no motive other than transparent processing - an online journal, or sorts. To God be the Glory for this glorious mess.....
This is a song that Father brought me just before the season of death began for me. I knew that when I was praying (singing - same, same) these words it was really just an acknowledgement of something to come. I wanted it....whatever He had for me. I still do. I'm still in the storm.
...there is peace in His Savior hands.
...Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
...take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. .
..my faith is made stronger in Your presence...
I'm sure, as my Father continues to bring healing over this last season and I process...as I always do - verbally, that details of the past year+ will be revealed. There is a lot to process.
*disclaimer - This is a medium I choose to use for processing what I'm experiencing and hearing from my Father. It's also an amateur training ground for writing....something I want to do more of. If you're encouraged, I'm blessed....but that's not expected. I have no motive other than transparent processing - an online journal, or sorts. To God be the Glory for this glorious mess.....
This is a song that Father brought me just before the season of death began for me. I knew that when I was praying (singing - same, same) these words it was really just an acknowledgement of something to come. I wanted it....whatever He had for me. I still do. I'm still in the storm.
...there is peace in His Savior hands.
...Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
...take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. .
..my faith is made stronger in Your presence...
Monday, December 19, 2011
A Year in Review 2011
Wow! I can't believe it's been a year since I added an entry here. Since this is a personal journal - of sorts - I couldn't let a year go by without a single word... Here is my humble attempt to sum up a very eventful year.
The year began with our second semester of my first year of homeschooling. The girls did great on their end of year testing and I took a huge sigh of relief. I was finally honest with myself and admitted that I hated homeschooling. After evaluating all that we were doing I realized that the I knew for sure the Lord had called me to homeschool...but maybe he hadn't called me to piano lessons, horseback riding lessons, dance, a weekly co-op meeting, art and gymnastics...and lead a women's bible study group..? Ya think?
As I re-evaluated the year I heard clearly from Father that I needed to let it all go and trust that He would meet my needs and, especially the girls' needs. We began the new school year in September with a new curriculum and a clear schedule. We're using My Father's World and I LOVE it. I love the time I have with the girls and all of the amazing conversations that are spurred on by the things we are studying together. The girls and I are all loving homeschooling this year.
In the mean time the families we had living with us have all moved on to bigger and better. The single mom and children were reconciled with dad, and family restored. There is still a long road of counseling ahead, but we are all so thrilled to see the God-glorifying progress that is taking place.
The young couple moved into their own apartment just in time to welcome their first child into their family. She is ADORABLE!! I love her:) They are still doing wonderfully and adjusting to parenthood with grace, just as we all expected.
The single guy got married to one of my precious friends and they are experiencing an amazing first year of marriage. They are a power couple, if ever there was one!! ...so gifted and talented. ...wouldn't be surprised to see their name in lights some day.
Father began to lay on our hearts early in the year that we would no longer be taking in families, but instead focus more on being a discipleship house for young singles. We also had a real desire to host weekend retreats for families or couples. He continued to confirm this through several outside instances and in late July of this year it became official. We found out that we had unknowingly been violating a housing code for Fairfax county by having more than one family in our single family home......doesn't matter that we have seven bedrooms and could easily fit everyone in our home - it was a violation to have more than two unrelated SINGLE adults living with us.
Though this news was difficult to swallow and brought up all kinds of rage about the injustice of it all....we couldn't deny that it was further confirmation of what Father had already been telling us. After living life together for over 13 months our home was empty within 30 days (other than our family of six, of course). We weren't sure how it would all work out, but knew that Father had a plan, and that it was a really, really good one...we just hadn't thought of yet!!:) Of course, the Lord provided (see previous paragraphs...) and did so in typical form...Amazing.
Within that next month we were surprised and blessed to have a full house again!
Jenny, my amazing sister, moved back home - she was a free-be in the head count for housing because she was related and SINGLE (if she were married they would be constituted as another family and, therefore, a violation of the housing code). Next was Sara, a missionary with AIM (Adventures in Missions) who works from home doing marketing for AIM - that's #1. Then came Jeremiah, fresh from the mission field with AIM and looking to be discipled as he seeks the Lord's guidance on what is next - that's #2. We also, temporarily, have Julie. She was on the World Race with Jenny, through AIM a few years ago and has been following wherever the Lord led ever since. She is currently interviewing for med school and looking into some schools in SC. She's with us for a few months while she awaits decisions from prospective schools.
The fact that we have these dear sisters and brother is further confirmation...we certainly didn't go looking for anyone. The Lord brought them to us, as He has for the past 5 years.
We've also held a weekend retreat for a couple that was experiencing a difficult time in their marriage. It was a beautifully productive weekend, and we all benefited from our time together. ...sweet times of conversation, laughing, crying and sharing life together. It truly is an unbelievable blessing to walk alongside our brothers and sisters through the many seasons of life.
There were several priceless visits had, either by friends (new and old) coming to stay with us for a time, or us going to stay with them: Henderson's, AIM Training Camp, trip to Boston, Ryan's, Derington's, trip to Cinci to visit Ft. Thomas crew...
Finally got to see U2 in concert!!! Two trips to NYC: Anniversary trip with Gavin, and milestone birthday trip with Rae!! Mommy trip to Avalon, NJ for a long weekend away at the beach! celebrated lots of "Russ is Awesome" days..:) Too many to count Blake family dates...:)
The Lord truly is amazing. I would never have imagined the way our home would change within this year! His plans are better than ours. We are changed, refined, challenged, blessed by all of those we share life with. Each person brings a different dynamic to our lives and our home. We are the better for it. We don't have any idea how long this season will last, but I so appreciate it and feel blessed to experience it while we have it.
Those are, at least, the highlights of 2011. I'm looking forward to seeing what 2012 will bring us. To God be the glory! ...much love, dear friends.
The year began with our second semester of my first year of homeschooling. The girls did great on their end of year testing and I took a huge sigh of relief. I was finally honest with myself and admitted that I hated homeschooling. After evaluating all that we were doing I realized that the I knew for sure the Lord had called me to homeschool...but maybe he hadn't called me to piano lessons, horseback riding lessons, dance, a weekly co-op meeting, art and gymnastics...and lead a women's bible study group..? Ya think?
As I re-evaluated the year I heard clearly from Father that I needed to let it all go and trust that He would meet my needs and, especially the girls' needs. We began the new school year in September with a new curriculum and a clear schedule. We're using My Father's World and I LOVE it. I love the time I have with the girls and all of the amazing conversations that are spurred on by the things we are studying together. The girls and I are all loving homeschooling this year.
In the mean time the families we had living with us have all moved on to bigger and better. The single mom and children were reconciled with dad, and family restored. There is still a long road of counseling ahead, but we are all so thrilled to see the God-glorifying progress that is taking place.
The young couple moved into their own apartment just in time to welcome their first child into their family. She is ADORABLE!! I love her:) They are still doing wonderfully and adjusting to parenthood with grace, just as we all expected.
The single guy got married to one of my precious friends and they are experiencing an amazing first year of marriage. They are a power couple, if ever there was one!! ...so gifted and talented. ...wouldn't be surprised to see their name in lights some day.
Father began to lay on our hearts early in the year that we would no longer be taking in families, but instead focus more on being a discipleship house for young singles. We also had a real desire to host weekend retreats for families or couples. He continued to confirm this through several outside instances and in late July of this year it became official. We found out that we had unknowingly been violating a housing code for Fairfax county by having more than one family in our single family home......doesn't matter that we have seven bedrooms and could easily fit everyone in our home - it was a violation to have more than two unrelated SINGLE adults living with us.
Though this news was difficult to swallow and brought up all kinds of rage about the injustice of it all....we couldn't deny that it was further confirmation of what Father had already been telling us. After living life together for over 13 months our home was empty within 30 days (other than our family of six, of course). We weren't sure how it would all work out, but knew that Father had a plan, and that it was a really, really good one...we just hadn't thought of yet!!:) Of course, the Lord provided (see previous paragraphs...) and did so in typical form...Amazing.
Within that next month we were surprised and blessed to have a full house again!
Jenny, my amazing sister, moved back home - she was a free-be in the head count for housing because she was related and SINGLE (if she were married they would be constituted as another family and, therefore, a violation of the housing code). Next was Sara, a missionary with AIM (Adventures in Missions) who works from home doing marketing for AIM - that's #1. Then came Jeremiah, fresh from the mission field with AIM and looking to be discipled as he seeks the Lord's guidance on what is next - that's #2. We also, temporarily, have Julie. She was on the World Race with Jenny, through AIM a few years ago and has been following wherever the Lord led ever since. She is currently interviewing for med school and looking into some schools in SC. She's with us for a few months while she awaits decisions from prospective schools.
The fact that we have these dear sisters and brother is further confirmation...we certainly didn't go looking for anyone. The Lord brought them to us, as He has for the past 5 years.
We've also held a weekend retreat for a couple that was experiencing a difficult time in their marriage. It was a beautifully productive weekend, and we all benefited from our time together. ...sweet times of conversation, laughing, crying and sharing life together. It truly is an unbelievable blessing to walk alongside our brothers and sisters through the many seasons of life.
There were several priceless visits had, either by friends (new and old) coming to stay with us for a time, or us going to stay with them: Henderson's, AIM Training Camp, trip to Boston, Ryan's, Derington's, trip to Cinci to visit Ft. Thomas crew...
Finally got to see U2 in concert!!! Two trips to NYC: Anniversary trip with Gavin, and milestone birthday trip with Rae!! Mommy trip to Avalon, NJ for a long weekend away at the beach! celebrated lots of "Russ is Awesome" days..:) Too many to count Blake family dates...:)
The Lord truly is amazing. I would never have imagined the way our home would change within this year! His plans are better than ours. We are changed, refined, challenged, blessed by all of those we share life with. Each person brings a different dynamic to our lives and our home. We are the better for it. We don't have any idea how long this season will last, but I so appreciate it and feel blessed to experience it while we have it.
Those are, at least, the highlights of 2011. I'm looking forward to seeing what 2012 will bring us. To God be the glory! ...much love, dear friends.
Friday, April 01, 2011
Your Girl
...that would be *posterity* ....:)
I wrote this song after going to a Women's Ministry event at Reston Bible Church. Donna Winship, with Jesus in the Qur'an, was speaking about our identities in Christ, Kingdom living and living our dreams.
I was so inspired that I wrote this song the next day. The truth is, I'm really not a song-writer. I really believe Father gave this song to me. I'm so blessed by it.
My sister asked why I was smiling so much in the video. ....well partly because I really mean every word I'm singing, the other part is that what you can't see is Sutton coming to me and trying to hand me gifts from the toy kitchen I was sitting beside.
Raegan ran the video from my iphone. She did a great job and took a lot of pride in the job she did:) We had to get it under 2min. or wouldn't be able to post it on Facebook.....so there you have it.
I hope you are blessed by the song: Your Girl
much love,
em
I wrote this song after going to a Women's Ministry event at Reston Bible Church. Donna Winship, with Jesus in the Qur'an, was speaking about our identities in Christ, Kingdom living and living our dreams.
I was so inspired that I wrote this song the next day. The truth is, I'm really not a song-writer. I really believe Father gave this song to me. I'm so blessed by it.
My sister asked why I was smiling so much in the video. ....well partly because I really mean every word I'm singing, the other part is that what you can't see is Sutton coming to me and trying to hand me gifts from the toy kitchen I was sitting beside.
Raegan ran the video from my iphone. She did a great job and took a lot of pride in the job she did:) We had to get it under 2min. or wouldn't be able to post it on Facebook.....so there you have it.
I hope you are blessed by the song: Your Girl
much love,
em
Grace vs. Works
John 14:15 reads: If you love me, keep my commands. NIV
or in the Message translation: If you love me, show it by doing what I've told you.
My grace-oriented friends would say to put too much of an emphasis on this verse would lead to a works-driven faith. I disagree, respectfully.
This verse has taken on new meaning now that I am a parent. After having a discussion with my newly four year old daughter tonight about this very topic, I had a bit of a revelation....
Elle is precious, precocious, amazing, creative, immature, witty, brilliant.....and manipulative....as all good children are:) For the past few days she has been going through the "let's test our boundaries" phase. That's okay. I'm used to it. It happens every year or so, with each one getting a little farther apart the older they get.
At the end of the night, Elle and I had a talk. I explained to her that no matter what she did or how she chose I would always love her, but her actions over the past few days had shown me a clear picture of what she thought about me.... "The way you show your love for me, is to do what I ask you to do, be quick to obey. Hearing the words I love you are always sweet to hear, but I need to see your love in action." I re-iterate that her actions haven't changed my love for her; I will always love her, but I am hurt by her choices.
She was very remorseful and went to bed in tears after a hug from me.
I was lying in bed just now rethinking that conversation - as many other mom's are doing, as well. ...should I have said it that way? Was I too harsh? Am I giving her a clear picture of God's love for her? Am I setting her up for a works-mentality toward faith?
The words came back to me: "If YOU love ME, you will obey my commands". The verse doesn't read: if you want me to love you, you will obey my commands. He loves us regardless of our choices. He is always hoping we will make the right choices, but it doesn't change his love for us when we don't. Seeing the scripture this way clearly shows that this verse has nothing to do with earning your salvation or God's love.
It has everything to do with revealing where our hearts are!
Do I believe that Eliot loves me even though she has acted in rebellion toward me for days? Of course, she does. But I also know that Elle was not caring what I thought, or wanted, or needed when she chose to lie to me about feeding her dinner to the dog, or going to dress up instead of coming down for dinner like I asked, to name a few. Her choices also revealed that she didn't trust me. She didn't trust that the plans I had for her were better than the plans she had for herself. She cared about what SHE wanted or didn't want. Her decisions had absolutely NOTHING to do with me. ...therein is the problem.
When we have been bought with a price and are no longer our own - dead to ourselves and alive in Him - making decisions without any care for what our Father, Savior, Redeemer would want, or is asking, is to act without love for Him. That doesn't change His love for us, but certainly does reveal where our love is for Him.
This verse, and others like it throughout scripture, especially the NT, do not indicate that our "works" or "deeds" can earn our salvation. Rather they help us understand that our actions reveal our heart.
Prov 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
or in the Message translation: If you love me, show it by doing what I've told you.
My grace-oriented friends would say to put too much of an emphasis on this verse would lead to a works-driven faith. I disagree, respectfully.
This verse has taken on new meaning now that I am a parent. After having a discussion with my newly four year old daughter tonight about this very topic, I had a bit of a revelation....
Elle is precious, precocious, amazing, creative, immature, witty, brilliant.....and manipulative....as all good children are:) For the past few days she has been going through the "let's test our boundaries" phase. That's okay. I'm used to it. It happens every year or so, with each one getting a little farther apart the older they get.
At the end of the night, Elle and I had a talk. I explained to her that no matter what she did or how she chose I would always love her, but her actions over the past few days had shown me a clear picture of what she thought about me.... "The way you show your love for me, is to do what I ask you to do, be quick to obey. Hearing the words I love you are always sweet to hear, but I need to see your love in action." I re-iterate that her actions haven't changed my love for her; I will always love her, but I am hurt by her choices.
She was very remorseful and went to bed in tears after a hug from me.
I was lying in bed just now rethinking that conversation - as many other mom's are doing, as well. ...should I have said it that way? Was I too harsh? Am I giving her a clear picture of God's love for her? Am I setting her up for a works-mentality toward faith?
The words came back to me: "If YOU love ME, you will obey my commands". The verse doesn't read: if you want me to love you, you will obey my commands. He loves us regardless of our choices. He is always hoping we will make the right choices, but it doesn't change his love for us when we don't. Seeing the scripture this way clearly shows that this verse has nothing to do with earning your salvation or God's love.
It has everything to do with revealing where our hearts are!
Do I believe that Eliot loves me even though she has acted in rebellion toward me for days? Of course, she does. But I also know that Elle was not caring what I thought, or wanted, or needed when she chose to lie to me about feeding her dinner to the dog, or going to dress up instead of coming down for dinner like I asked, to name a few. Her choices also revealed that she didn't trust me. She didn't trust that the plans I had for her were better than the plans she had for herself. She cared about what SHE wanted or didn't want. Her decisions had absolutely NOTHING to do with me. ...therein is the problem.
When we have been bought with a price and are no longer our own - dead to ourselves and alive in Him - making decisions without any care for what our Father, Savior, Redeemer would want, or is asking, is to act without love for Him. That doesn't change His love for us, but certainly does reveal where our love is for Him.
This verse, and others like it throughout scripture, especially the NT, do not indicate that our "works" or "deeds" can earn our salvation. Rather they help us understand that our actions reveal our heart.
Prov 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Retreat
Gavin and I are so blessed to be away - by ourselves - in the Poconos this week. (Thank you Jenny for keeping the girls for us! Thank you Blakes for helping Jenny keep the girls for us. Thank you Mom for the use of one of your timeshare weeks!)
This has been a sweet time of reflection, rest and renewal. We had Sunday through Wednesday to ourselves to sleep in, stay in, stay in pj's all day. It was just what we needed. Our friends, the Ryan's, joined us on Wednesday night for the remainder of the week. We've prayed together and worshiped - it's been just what we needed. (We still stayed in our pj's for most of the day....:))
What I've been learning and what has been confirmed: God is definitely ushering us into a new season of ministry. We've known this for over a year and a half, but it's becoming increasingly clear that the new season is upon us and will most likely roll out within the coming year. He's had me in the book of Job for the past few weeks. I see that God wants us to love, follow and trust Him, not because we'll be successful or get good things (and therefore, avoid bad things) if we do, but just because loving Him and being loved by Him is enough.
This is a constant theme over the past few months - even up to the last year. The question He has posed to me has been: Am I enough? ...just me? Is My love enough? Am I worth more than your comfort? Am I worth more than your rights? Am I worth more than stability or security? Do I matter more than your children, your family, your friends? Am I worth it even if you never see a single dream come true? Am I enough?
It has taken me months, and many tests and layers, but my answer has been, and is: Yes! All to you I surrender - every thing, every part of me, all of my dreams, all of me - I surrender. You are enough. I trust You and I know that You are Good! You are a good Father. My hope is in You, Lord!
I'm also realizing that if I had a true understanding of God's holiness the answer to these questions would be a resounding - no-brainer - YES! Reading Job was uncomfortable. It's such a fascinating book. ...so many themes. God's holiness was certainly one theme that screamed out to me. The Lord now has me reading Isaiah...are you picking up on a theme?! God is really wanting me to grasp His holiness. ...well, here we go!
much love to you, my precious friends. I covet your prayers, thoughts, concern and love. I love to hear from you. (the girls love homeschooling - I'm starting to:) It's definitely been a journey of refining my character, and is certainly an act of obedience. I'm still in the thick of it. Prayers, advice, thoughts are always welcomed. I'll talk more about homeschooling soon. ...when my head comes above water:)
This has been a sweet time of reflection, rest and renewal. We had Sunday through Wednesday to ourselves to sleep in, stay in, stay in pj's all day. It was just what we needed. Our friends, the Ryan's, joined us on Wednesday night for the remainder of the week. We've prayed together and worshiped - it's been just what we needed. (We still stayed in our pj's for most of the day....:))
What I've been learning and what has been confirmed: God is definitely ushering us into a new season of ministry. We've known this for over a year and a half, but it's becoming increasingly clear that the new season is upon us and will most likely roll out within the coming year. He's had me in the book of Job for the past few weeks. I see that God wants us to love, follow and trust Him, not because we'll be successful or get good things (and therefore, avoid bad things) if we do, but just because loving Him and being loved by Him is enough.
This is a constant theme over the past few months - even up to the last year. The question He has posed to me has been: Am I enough? ...just me? Is My love enough? Am I worth more than your comfort? Am I worth more than your rights? Am I worth more than stability or security? Do I matter more than your children, your family, your friends? Am I worth it even if you never see a single dream come true? Am I enough?
It has taken me months, and many tests and layers, but my answer has been, and is: Yes! All to you I surrender - every thing, every part of me, all of my dreams, all of me - I surrender. You are enough. I trust You and I know that You are Good! You are a good Father. My hope is in You, Lord!
I'm also realizing that if I had a true understanding of God's holiness the answer to these questions would be a resounding - no-brainer - YES! Reading Job was uncomfortable. It's such a fascinating book. ...so many themes. God's holiness was certainly one theme that screamed out to me. The Lord now has me reading Isaiah...are you picking up on a theme?! God is really wanting me to grasp His holiness. ...well, here we go!
much love to you, my precious friends. I covet your prayers, thoughts, concern and love. I love to hear from you. (the girls love homeschooling - I'm starting to:) It's definitely been a journey of refining my character, and is certainly an act of obedience. I'm still in the thick of it. Prayers, advice, thoughts are always welcomed. I'll talk more about homeschooling soon. ...when my head comes above water:)
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Up in the Middle of the NIght
...it's 4:38 and I've been awake for an hour... Always when this happens, because it is rare, I start a little conversation with the Lord. (He's always wide awake:))
"Is there someone I should be praying for?" "Thank you for this day and all the blessings you have poured out on me, Gavin, the girls, and those I love."
I start counting my blessings, and I lift up those I know are hurting.
....those that are hurting. There are so many so close to my heart... I feel helpless. What do you want for them, Lord? I know you want the best for them, but what do you want for them in [this]?
My faith grows as I remember all You have done. I remember the long history from which we come. I remember the impossible made possible. I know that You are good!
I'm so hungry to see Your Spirit set free here in Northern Virginia. I'm hungry to see lives truly changed and set free to be what you have designed us to be. Marriages healed. Lives restored. Justice and Peace. ...your Kingdom.
I don't know what is ahead. I don't really care, I trust you... I do want to cherish this day, this season, this place, these people. Please help me.
I feel so blessed. You are what is special about me. ...and I do feel special.
My cup overflows and my hope is in You.
"Is there someone I should be praying for?" "Thank you for this day and all the blessings you have poured out on me, Gavin, the girls, and those I love."
I start counting my blessings, and I lift up those I know are hurting.
....those that are hurting. There are so many so close to my heart... I feel helpless. What do you want for them, Lord? I know you want the best for them, but what do you want for them in [this]?
My faith grows as I remember all You have done. I remember the long history from which we come. I remember the impossible made possible. I know that You are good!
I'm so hungry to see Your Spirit set free here in Northern Virginia. I'm hungry to see lives truly changed and set free to be what you have designed us to be. Marriages healed. Lives restored. Justice and Peace. ...your Kingdom.
I don't know what is ahead. I don't really care, I trust you... I do want to cherish this day, this season, this place, these people. Please help me.
I feel so blessed. You are what is special about me. ...and I do feel special.
My cup overflows and my hope is in You.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
It's been so long....so...very...long
Hi sweet friends:) Melanie, thank you for the encouragement to update. I need to catch up on all of your blogs, too. I sadly have been abstaining from cyber-world for a little while now.
Many things have changed in the last few months so I will try to be brief and expound later. We have a new set of house-mates living with us. We have a mom and her four children; a young newly wed couple; and a single guy.....also, a dog and a cat:) So before you think we're crazy I can tell you that this is such a sweet season, already. We truly are so blessed by each one of them.
....more later:)
I am very excited about homeschooling. We start in a just a couple of weeks!! I have all my materials in and have a plan... more later:)
Gavin and I just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary and had an amazing time! We've adopted a great idea of one of my friend's. We take turns planning anniversary celebrations as our gift to one another. This year was Gavin's turn to plan and he really out-did himself. ..wine tasting, champagne with friends, and dinner at one of our favorite french restaurants.:)
Raegan is at her first overnight camp this week with the Girl Scouts and her friend, Claire. I miss her. I hope she's doing well.
I also celebrated my birthday since I last wrote, and am getting to use my gift this weekend...in North Carolina...with my Mom and my amazing friend, Meredith...at Westglow Spa!! I can't wait to be back there and show Mer ASU, take her to a real fish camp, and READ A BOOK without being interrupted!!! ..we're also going to lay by the pool!! WooHoo!! I'm so excited:)
So there are other things, of course, but those are the highlights!
I love you, my sweet friends. Blessings to you and your families.
Many things have changed in the last few months so I will try to be brief and expound later. We have a new set of house-mates living with us. We have a mom and her four children; a young newly wed couple; and a single guy.....also, a dog and a cat:) So before you think we're crazy I can tell you that this is such a sweet season, already. We truly are so blessed by each one of them.
....more later:)
I am very excited about homeschooling. We start in a just a couple of weeks!! I have all my materials in and have a plan... more later:)
Gavin and I just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary and had an amazing time! We've adopted a great idea of one of my friend's. We take turns planning anniversary celebrations as our gift to one another. This year was Gavin's turn to plan and he really out-did himself. ..wine tasting, champagne with friends, and dinner at one of our favorite french restaurants.:)
Raegan is at her first overnight camp this week with the Girl Scouts and her friend, Claire. I miss her. I hope she's doing well.
I also celebrated my birthday since I last wrote, and am getting to use my gift this weekend...in North Carolina...with my Mom and my amazing friend, Meredith...at Westglow Spa!! I can't wait to be back there and show Mer ASU, take her to a real fish camp, and READ A BOOK without being interrupted!!! ..we're also going to lay by the pool!! WooHoo!! I'm so excited:)
So there are other things, of course, but those are the highlights!
I love you, my sweet friends. Blessings to you and your families.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
I-Heart Revolution
I've recently joined the I-heart revolution, in part because of this video, and because I want a voice; to be used in a tangible way. This group is so inspiring and they seem to have a pretty effective way of mobilizing believers.
I hope you're encouraged by this video, as I was.
I hope you're encouraged by this video, as I was.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Decision Made
I've said for years that I wouldn't homeschool unless I knew I was called to do it. "I'm not just looking for more work" was my typical response:)
This past weekend it became clear to me that the Lord is calling me to homeschool the girls next year.
I'm just as freaked out as I was before this decision was made, but I have complete peace. ...further confirmation that He really is calling me, and will provide what I need to do this. I know this year will be challenging, but I am excited to be stretched.
(I'm VERY excited!!! ...starting to dig into curriculum, ect.)
Any words of wisdom are welcomed and appreciated.
This past weekend it became clear to me that the Lord is calling me to homeschool the girls next year.
I'm just as freaked out as I was before this decision was made, but I have complete peace. ...further confirmation that He really is calling me, and will provide what I need to do this. I know this year will be challenging, but I am excited to be stretched.
(I'm VERY excited!!! ...starting to dig into curriculum, ect.)
Any words of wisdom are welcomed and appreciated.
Monday, March 29, 2010
I'm after Mercy...
Passing along, Jesus saw a man at his work collecting taxes. His name was Matthew. Jesus said, "Come along with me." Matthew stood up and followed him.
Later when Jesus was eating supper at Matthew's house with his close followers, a lot of disreputable characters came and joined them. When the Pharisees saw him keeping this kind of company, they had a fit, and lit into Jesus' followers. "What kind of example is this from your Teacher, acting cozy with crooks and riffraff?"
Jesus, overhearing, shot back, "Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? Go figure out what this Scripture means: 'I'm after mercy, not religion.' I'm here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders." (Matthew 9:9-13 The Message Translation)
"I'm after mercy, not religion".... The NIV translates this passage "I desire mercy, not sacrifice". ...interesting. What does this mean - really?
I found myself recounting my "mercy" revelation story tonight to some dear friends. ..and here I read about mercy again tonight. Are you trying to tell me something, Lord? I can't think of anyone in my life that needs mercy... hmm.
Well, Lord, if you're about to reveal another layer of this amazing concept, I'm ready for it. I want to be a do-er of justice and a lover of mercy. To You be the glory, alone.
(side note: Gavin has been really sick lately. He had a staff infection and then came down with viral meningitis... He's still recovering. Please keep him and us in your prayers.)
Later when Jesus was eating supper at Matthew's house with his close followers, a lot of disreputable characters came and joined them. When the Pharisees saw him keeping this kind of company, they had a fit, and lit into Jesus' followers. "What kind of example is this from your Teacher, acting cozy with crooks and riffraff?"
Jesus, overhearing, shot back, "Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? Go figure out what this Scripture means: 'I'm after mercy, not religion.' I'm here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders." (Matthew 9:9-13 The Message Translation)
"I'm after mercy, not religion".... The NIV translates this passage "I desire mercy, not sacrifice". ...interesting. What does this mean - really?
I found myself recounting my "mercy" revelation story tonight to some dear friends. ..and here I read about mercy again tonight. Are you trying to tell me something, Lord? I can't think of anyone in my life that needs mercy... hmm.
Well, Lord, if you're about to reveal another layer of this amazing concept, I'm ready for it. I want to be a do-er of justice and a lover of mercy. To You be the glory, alone.
(side note: Gavin has been really sick lately. He had a staff infection and then came down with viral meningitis... He's still recovering. Please keep him and us in your prayers.)
Saturday, February 20, 2010
The Baggett Swap
Gavin and I are so blessed. Big Daddy has truly poured out His blessing on us through His body, here in NoVa. This weekend He is using our precious friends, the Baggetts, to bless us abundantly.
Graham and Courtney are a newly wed couple that we adore. They have been a special part of our family for almost two years - after meeting each other in our home:) Courtney was on the "Race" with Jenny and she's an amazing southern girl...she fits right in:) Graham, we jokingly say, is Gavin 10 years ago - except that Graham's humble...hahaha. They are a precious couple and we love having them in our home.
That statement has never been more true than this weekend! They have literally swapped houses with us for the weekend. They are with the girls today and tomorrow (along with Jenny), and we are at their very cute apartment in Alexandria.
Gavin took me into Old Town tonight - SO CUTE - for dinner. It reminded us a lot of New England - brought back so many happy memories. We're hanging out now, reading, writing blogs, sipping wine, listening to music (they had a bottle of wine and a worship CD waiting for us) and enjoying a peaceful quiet...
sweet blessings - sweet friends - amazing Bid Daddy!
Graham and Courtney are a newly wed couple that we adore. They have been a special part of our family for almost two years - after meeting each other in our home:) Courtney was on the "Race" with Jenny and she's an amazing southern girl...she fits right in:) Graham, we jokingly say, is Gavin 10 years ago - except that Graham's humble...hahaha. They are a precious couple and we love having them in our home.
That statement has never been more true than this weekend! They have literally swapped houses with us for the weekend. They are with the girls today and tomorrow (along with Jenny), and we are at their very cute apartment in Alexandria.
Gavin took me into Old Town tonight - SO CUTE - for dinner. It reminded us a lot of New England - brought back so many happy memories. We're hanging out now, reading, writing blogs, sipping wine, listening to music (they had a bottle of wine and a worship CD waiting for us) and enjoying a peaceful quiet...
sweet blessings - sweet friends - amazing Bid Daddy!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
The Rich Young Ruler
When Jesus heard that, he said “Then there’s only one thing left to do. Sell everything you own and give it away to the poor. You will have riches in heaven. Then come, follow me.” This was the last thing the official expected to hear. He was very rich and became terribly sad. He was holding on tight to a lot of things and not about to let them go. Seeing his reaction Jesus said. “Do you have any idea how difficult it is for people who have it all to enter God’s kingdom? I’d say it’s easier to thread a camel through a needle’s eye than get a rich person into God’s kingdom.”
“Then who has any chance at all?” the others asked.
“No chance at all,” Jesus said, “if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it.” Luke 18:22-27 (The Message)
Several of our friends are experiencing “Rich young ruler” moments right now. It’s really hard for me to not want to swoop in and “rescue” them from these difficult faith decisions. Why is that?! I still have a warped view of what is BEST.
We certainly have had our RYR moments. We used to call them our Abraham moments... The first was when the Lord restored everything we had run away from in Boston - “fleeing from sin”. We left there broken, we left everything, but in His hands. When He brought us back to New England three years later it was to a nicer home that we owned, a better job, a “better” town - Cambridge (it’s hard for me to say one town is better than the North Shore towns - we love them all. But Cambridge was a lot closer to Boston, and we were living in the city), an awesome place to worship: the Cambridge Vineyard (still the only place that Gavin and I both felt completely at home) and a new family - Rae was two years old and Reece was only a few months. Everything we left was restored, except even better!
The moment that was our most difficult decision of faith was after we had been back in Boston for about a year. The Lord called us to leave everything and move to Ft. Thomas, KY - just outside of Cincinnati, to help plant a community based church. We were leaving the best paying job Gavin had ever had, our first real home, the city we loved, the church we loved, friends that remain a powerful gift from the Lord, the east coast - to go to the Midwest.......no offense to the any Midwesterners out there, but I’m just an east coast girl.
We obeyed, though it truly was the most difficult decision we’ve ever made, and moved into a tiny two bedroom apartment with 70’s decor, without a job (Gavin had begun his own business), and with two little girls.
Planting a church is very difficult. You learn more about how NOT to do things than anything else...at least that was our experience. It is a clumsy, fragile and most-of-the-time messy process. Though that season was very difficult, it was also one of the most rewarding.
..interesting that even now I have this urge to paint it pretty - to make sure there is a happy ending.... there wasn’t..at the time. It was a painful time. We gave everything and put ourselves out there ...and got hurt. We obeyed and did what God called us to do, and it was hard....
The written word is so final and ominous....
There was definitely a lot of sweet, and yummy fruit from that season - I want to highlight that point.
Has the hurt been redeemed? Absolutely! Our dad is the Great Redeemer and He has proven that name to us. Every hurt has been redeemed and we have been blessed abundantly by the community in Ft. Thomas. We have life long friends there, God-parents to our children there, and we continue to partner with them in ministry. They are a great part of our lives and ministry. We cherish them and even have grown to like Cincinnati...:)
Let me quickly tell you the end of that story: We had been in Ft. Thomas for about 18 months when Gavin felt the Lord’s leading to move us here to D.C. This, too, was an extremely difficult decision because we were very much so invested in our community church. I thought Gavin was wrong. We should either move back to Boston, where we still owned a home, or NC where our family was. We were expecting our Eliot at the time. I submitted, however, and we moved here to D.C.
The moment I walked into the house the Lord had completely provided, I felt rescued. I had this wind of peace rush over me. I knew we were home and exactly where we were supposed to be. Big Daddy has since blessed us with an amazing home that allows us to host many families for worship, living life together, etc., an awesome city, friendships that I’ve always hoped to have, and a growing community of believers that are starting to realize there is more....and see it! ...and two more daughters. (it is fitting that we have two Carolina girls and two Virginia girls)
This place I told everyone, very arrogantly, would be a “pit-stop”, has become home and I can testify that the Lord is faithful. We’re going on our fourth year here, and we have experienced His promises to be true.
Luke 18:29 (The Message) No one who has sacrificed home, spouse, brother and sisters, parents, children - whatever - will lose out. It will all come back multiplied many times over in your lifetime. And then the bonus of eternal life!
So why would I want to “rescue” my dearest friends from experiencing God’s richest blessings?! ....because it is hard to watch them get there. Lord, please help me to stay right where you want me - present to walk through this difficult time with them, yet out of the way. I trust you, Lord. I know that you are good. I know what you have for us is so much more amazing than anything we have planned for ourselves. Let your peace that passes all understanding comfort them through these hard decisions and draw them close. I trust you.
“Then who has any chance at all?” the others asked.
“No chance at all,” Jesus said, “if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it.” Luke 18:22-27 (The Message)
Several of our friends are experiencing “Rich young ruler” moments right now. It’s really hard for me to not want to swoop in and “rescue” them from these difficult faith decisions. Why is that?! I still have a warped view of what is BEST.
We certainly have had our RYR moments. We used to call them our Abraham moments... The first was when the Lord restored everything we had run away from in Boston - “fleeing from sin”. We left there broken, we left everything, but in His hands. When He brought us back to New England three years later it was to a nicer home that we owned, a better job, a “better” town - Cambridge (it’s hard for me to say one town is better than the North Shore towns - we love them all. But Cambridge was a lot closer to Boston, and we were living in the city), an awesome place to worship: the Cambridge Vineyard (still the only place that Gavin and I both felt completely at home) and a new family - Rae was two years old and Reece was only a few months. Everything we left was restored, except even better!
The moment that was our most difficult decision of faith was after we had been back in Boston for about a year. The Lord called us to leave everything and move to Ft. Thomas, KY - just outside of Cincinnati, to help plant a community based church. We were leaving the best paying job Gavin had ever had, our first real home, the city we loved, the church we loved, friends that remain a powerful gift from the Lord, the east coast - to go to the Midwest.......no offense to the any Midwesterners out there, but I’m just an east coast girl.
We obeyed, though it truly was the most difficult decision we’ve ever made, and moved into a tiny two bedroom apartment with 70’s decor, without a job (Gavin had begun his own business), and with two little girls.
Planting a church is very difficult. You learn more about how NOT to do things than anything else...at least that was our experience. It is a clumsy, fragile and most-of-the-time messy process. Though that season was very difficult, it was also one of the most rewarding.
..interesting that even now I have this urge to paint it pretty - to make sure there is a happy ending.... there wasn’t..at the time. It was a painful time. We gave everything and put ourselves out there ...and got hurt. We obeyed and did what God called us to do, and it was hard....
The written word is so final and ominous....
There was definitely a lot of sweet, and yummy fruit from that season - I want to highlight that point.
Has the hurt been redeemed? Absolutely! Our dad is the Great Redeemer and He has proven that name to us. Every hurt has been redeemed and we have been blessed abundantly by the community in Ft. Thomas. We have life long friends there, God-parents to our children there, and we continue to partner with them in ministry. They are a great part of our lives and ministry. We cherish them and even have grown to like Cincinnati...:)
Let me quickly tell you the end of that story: We had been in Ft. Thomas for about 18 months when Gavin felt the Lord’s leading to move us here to D.C. This, too, was an extremely difficult decision because we were very much so invested in our community church. I thought Gavin was wrong. We should either move back to Boston, where we still owned a home, or NC where our family was. We were expecting our Eliot at the time. I submitted, however, and we moved here to D.C.
The moment I walked into the house the Lord had completely provided, I felt rescued. I had this wind of peace rush over me. I knew we were home and exactly where we were supposed to be. Big Daddy has since blessed us with an amazing home that allows us to host many families for worship, living life together, etc., an awesome city, friendships that I’ve always hoped to have, and a growing community of believers that are starting to realize there is more....and see it! ...and two more daughters. (it is fitting that we have two Carolina girls and two Virginia girls)
This place I told everyone, very arrogantly, would be a “pit-stop”, has become home and I can testify that the Lord is faithful. We’re going on our fourth year here, and we have experienced His promises to be true.
Luke 18:29 (The Message) No one who has sacrificed home, spouse, brother and sisters, parents, children - whatever - will lose out. It will all come back multiplied many times over in your lifetime. And then the bonus of eternal life!
So why would I want to “rescue” my dearest friends from experiencing God’s richest blessings?! ....because it is hard to watch them get there. Lord, please help me to stay right where you want me - present to walk through this difficult time with them, yet out of the way. I trust you, Lord. I know that you are good. I know what you have for us is so much more amazing than anything we have planned for ourselves. Let your peace that passes all understanding comfort them through these hard decisions and draw them close. I trust you.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Abide In Me
Those are the words I woke up hearing from my Dad this morning: "Abide in Me"
I'm weak, Lord. I lack self control. I need you. I know that I can't do [this] without you. The basics of life, walking in obedience, are impossible for me - my flesh is too weak. But I don't trust in myself. I know that I am nothing without you. Any wisdom I have is Yours - I know that. Any good thing in me, is You. My hope is You. I trust You. I know that you will take me further than I want to go and I trust you. I want all of You and I give you all of me.....all of me....all of me....
teach me, dad. I love you...
I'm weak, Lord. I lack self control. I need you. I know that I can't do [this] without you. The basics of life, walking in obedience, are impossible for me - my flesh is too weak. But I don't trust in myself. I know that I am nothing without you. Any wisdom I have is Yours - I know that. Any good thing in me, is You. My hope is You. I trust You. I know that you will take me further than I want to go and I trust you. I want all of You and I give you all of me.....all of me....all of me....
teach me, dad. I love you...
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
To Game or Not to Game...
That's actually NOT the question... Since I was a child I've loved to play games - who doesn't? Atari was our first family game system. My sister, brother and I loved playing "The Oregon Trail" and "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego" on the computer (oh, how things have changed!). Things really got interesting in college when we heard of "The Age of Empires"! ...and cheat codes - thanks, Greg:)
I love having game night with the kids. They LOVE having game night. Some of our favorites are "Sorry", "Clue for kids", and "Cranium".
My two older girls each have a Nintendo DS and Elle has a Leapster - for our road trips. I try to get games that have some kind of educational value, but they are also just fun little game systems.
I was lying in bed this morning thinking about games ...not at all obvious, I'm sure ...and I was convicted. Now I know there is nothing inherently wrong with these games, but I learned a long time ago that everything we have been given can be used as either a tool or a weapon. That decision is ours alone.
I was convicted because I've been using games as a weapon, as of late. Reece's DS has been confiscated due to her inability to locate it when needed, and it sits beside my bed. When I can't go to sleep - or don't want to yet - I've been playing her DS.
I heard a whisper this morning: "What are you trying to escape from?" All at once thoughts of how to use that time more productively began flooding my mind. ...productivity isn't really the goal when I'm lying in bed at midnight, mind racing. But time with my Dad, is. Those are usually the sweetest times of my day.
The Lord has been speaking to me through Kim Walker:
You won't relent until you have it all
- my heart is Yours.
I set you as a seal upon my heart,
For there is love that is as strong as death
Jealousy demanding as the grave
And living waters can not quench this thirst.
You won't relent until you have it all
- my heart is Yours.
and
all to you I surrender
everything, every part of me
all to you I surrender
all my dreams, all of me
and
Where you go, I go
What you say, I say, God
Where you pray, I pray
Where you pray, I pray
though the world sees and soon forgets
we will not forget who you are and what you've done for us,
what you've done for us
...there is nothing wrong with playing games. However, when your dad is calling you? ...you better put down your games, whatever they may be, and run to His side, right? There is nothing in this world like the voice of our dad - His words are life. ...the games will still be there when I get back.
I love having game night with the kids. They LOVE having game night. Some of our favorites are "Sorry", "Clue for kids", and "Cranium".
My two older girls each have a Nintendo DS and Elle has a Leapster - for our road trips. I try to get games that have some kind of educational value, but they are also just fun little game systems.
I was lying in bed this morning thinking about games ...not at all obvious, I'm sure ...and I was convicted. Now I know there is nothing inherently wrong with these games, but I learned a long time ago that everything we have been given can be used as either a tool or a weapon. That decision is ours alone.
I was convicted because I've been using games as a weapon, as of late. Reece's DS has been confiscated due to her inability to locate it when needed, and it sits beside my bed. When I can't go to sleep - or don't want to yet - I've been playing her DS.
I heard a whisper this morning: "What are you trying to escape from?" All at once thoughts of how to use that time more productively began flooding my mind. ...productivity isn't really the goal when I'm lying in bed at midnight, mind racing. But time with my Dad, is. Those are usually the sweetest times of my day.
The Lord has been speaking to me through Kim Walker:
You won't relent until you have it all
- my heart is Yours.
I set you as a seal upon my heart,
For there is love that is as strong as death
Jealousy demanding as the grave
And living waters can not quench this thirst.
You won't relent until you have it all
- my heart is Yours.
and
all to you I surrender
everything, every part of me
all to you I surrender
all my dreams, all of me
and
Where you go, I go
What you say, I say, God
Where you pray, I pray
Where you pray, I pray
though the world sees and soon forgets
we will not forget who you are and what you've done for us,
what you've done for us
...there is nothing wrong with playing games. However, when your dad is calling you? ...you better put down your games, whatever they may be, and run to His side, right? There is nothing in this world like the voice of our dad - His words are life. ...the games will still be there when I get back.
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Awake in the middle of the night
...awoken by a talking baby... that's odd. ...she doesn't sound upset. I wonder what's going on with her. she rarely has trouble sleeping through the night - thank you Babywise!! ...maybe she'll go back to sleep.
...she's starting to get upset now. ...something's not right. I go to see what is the matter. maybe she's gotten tangled in her blanket. now that she's rolling over and trying to crawl that happens a lot more frequently... her face lights up with such joy. ..."I'm rescued!! Thanks, mommy!" is all over her face. She has such a sweet smile. Her four little teeth, worn like a badge of honor, shining for all the world to see... she peacefully looks to the door. staying in her room is NOT a viable option in her mind.
she has a stinky diaper ...ah, that's it. ...she clearly is not happy about turning back around and re-entering her room, even with the light on...even if she's getting her bum clean ...she wants to be out of this room... "what's in your room, mommy? ..or down stairs?!" is coyly expressed through her leaning body in that direction...
she's constipated....poor baby. she has had such trouble with her little tummy from the beginning of her little life. I keep hoping she'll outgrow it - teething has helped. instead of the usual burning diarrhea diapers my other girls always had when they were teething - she's regular. ...but tonight her little tummy is hurting. ...juice! I'll get her some juice! that should satisfy her on many fronts - going in the direction of her leaning....
...she could care less about the juice, though she does drink some. ...she's hurting - I can tell. Lord, please heal whatever is going on in her little digestive system... give me wisdom to know how to best help her little body function.
...I lay her back down. ...she's not happy about that, but is tired and goes quickly back to sleep. it's now 3:40 in the morning. pitch black outside - probably the darkest the night will get, at this moment. I'm tired. ...as I go to get in my bed there's another little girl in my spot ...blondie. we already had a short one in our bed from earlier in the evening. how is it that two very little girls can take up an entire king sized bed? Gavin loves being crowded and snuggling with his girls....I need my space. ...I think I'll go sleep with Rae - that never happens anymore.
...never happens anymore...
...and I'm reminded that this season of being up in the middle of the night will pass too quickly. they are all growing up so fast. so precious. so proud to be their mommy.
I hear a whisper ..."enjoy the moment".
one day soon I'll sleep right through the night without a single interruption ..and it will be sweet...and lacking.
...she's starting to get upset now. ...something's not right. I go to see what is the matter. maybe she's gotten tangled in her blanket. now that she's rolling over and trying to crawl that happens a lot more frequently... her face lights up with such joy. ..."I'm rescued!! Thanks, mommy!" is all over her face. She has such a sweet smile. Her four little teeth, worn like a badge of honor, shining for all the world to see... she peacefully looks to the door. staying in her room is NOT a viable option in her mind.
she has a stinky diaper ...ah, that's it. ...she clearly is not happy about turning back around and re-entering her room, even with the light on...even if she's getting her bum clean ...she wants to be out of this room... "what's in your room, mommy? ..or down stairs?!" is coyly expressed through her leaning body in that direction...
she's constipated....poor baby. she has had such trouble with her little tummy from the beginning of her little life. I keep hoping she'll outgrow it - teething has helped. instead of the usual burning diarrhea diapers my other girls always had when they were teething - she's regular. ...but tonight her little tummy is hurting. ...juice! I'll get her some juice! that should satisfy her on many fronts - going in the direction of her leaning....
...she could care less about the juice, though she does drink some. ...she's hurting - I can tell. Lord, please heal whatever is going on in her little digestive system... give me wisdom to know how to best help her little body function.
...I lay her back down. ...she's not happy about that, but is tired and goes quickly back to sleep. it's now 3:40 in the morning. pitch black outside - probably the darkest the night will get, at this moment. I'm tired. ...as I go to get in my bed there's another little girl in my spot ...blondie. we already had a short one in our bed from earlier in the evening. how is it that two very little girls can take up an entire king sized bed? Gavin loves being crowded and snuggling with his girls....I need my space. ...I think I'll go sleep with Rae - that never happens anymore.
...never happens anymore...
...and I'm reminded that this season of being up in the middle of the night will pass too quickly. they are all growing up so fast. so precious. so proud to be their mommy.
I hear a whisper ..."enjoy the moment".
one day soon I'll sleep right through the night without a single interruption ..and it will be sweet...and lacking.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Three in Three!
So far my New Year's resolution is in tact....three blogs in three days.....don't hold your breath! ha!
I feel like the Lord is preparing my heart for a big change this year. ...Expect the Unexpected...
Homeschooling has most recently come back to my mind. This has been a four year process.... I thought I had been "let off the hook" but find myself trying to jump back on. I get excited thinking about the many prospects.
Gavin and I had a long talk this morning about priorities. What ARE our priorities when it comes to our children's education? Do we want to expose them to as much as possible or make sure they have dear friends to go through school with? Is academics more important than the social aspect? If we cultivate a lifestyle of learning at home does it really matter what the public school system exposes them to? Where will they have the most stimulation? What about Reece who has found her confidence by being out from under Raegan's shadow, being at a different school - with her own friends, etc.?
...then there's the dreaded homeschool mom stereotype.... Now I have to say I have some pretty cool friends that completely shatter that stereotype: Anna, Kim, Denise, Melanie...to name a few. They are all hot mama's that are creative, fun and create an awesome environment for a lifestyle of learning. However, it is still a thought I have to battle - why do I care? I shouldn't....
Balance is the spice of life! It's also the place where true faith is discovered. That's what I'm hoping to discover in the journey of this year....
Raegan has a lot of great ideas. Jenny is getting excited about it, too. I think about weekly museum trips to the Smithsonian....what an amazing place to live for homeschooling! I think about being able to have music lessons during the day, gymnastics, trips to the library, art enrichment, starting our own Planting Sequoias co-op, science projects, etc. What if we got a french au pair to live with us and help teach the whole family french? Being able to travel and have an apostolic ministry would fit perfectly with homeschooling....
.....balance.... One day at a time - led by the Spirit.
I really just want to be obedient. I'm not looking for more work. I know that I need alone time every day. I enjoy the few hours I have while Reece and Raegan are in school....it won't be long before all the girls are in school! I could always go back to school and get my Masters in education. Teaching is definitely in my blood, though I tried to deny it. I love to teach.
I also feel a pulling to pursue an education in counseling..... Maybe it's not children I'm supposed to teach, but something to do with Women's ministry or Family ministry. That is also very close to my heart. The Lord has certainly brought a lot of these types of opportunities our way over the past six years. Would I really be able to do these things if I were homeschooling?
...Lord, I need you to make sense of all of these thoughts! I truly just want to be obedient. Give me wisdom to know what step to take next. ...everything I am for Your Kingdom...I'm in Your hands and I trust you...
I feel like the Lord is preparing my heart for a big change this year. ...Expect the Unexpected...
Homeschooling has most recently come back to my mind. This has been a four year process.... I thought I had been "let off the hook" but find myself trying to jump back on. I get excited thinking about the many prospects.
Gavin and I had a long talk this morning about priorities. What ARE our priorities when it comes to our children's education? Do we want to expose them to as much as possible or make sure they have dear friends to go through school with? Is academics more important than the social aspect? If we cultivate a lifestyle of learning at home does it really matter what the public school system exposes them to? Where will they have the most stimulation? What about Reece who has found her confidence by being out from under Raegan's shadow, being at a different school - with her own friends, etc.?
...then there's the dreaded homeschool mom stereotype.... Now I have to say I have some pretty cool friends that completely shatter that stereotype: Anna, Kim, Denise, Melanie...to name a few. They are all hot mama's that are creative, fun and create an awesome environment for a lifestyle of learning. However, it is still a thought I have to battle - why do I care? I shouldn't....
Balance is the spice of life! It's also the place where true faith is discovered. That's what I'm hoping to discover in the journey of this year....
Raegan has a lot of great ideas. Jenny is getting excited about it, too. I think about weekly museum trips to the Smithsonian....what an amazing place to live for homeschooling! I think about being able to have music lessons during the day, gymnastics, trips to the library, art enrichment, starting our own Planting Sequoias co-op, science projects, etc. What if we got a french au pair to live with us and help teach the whole family french? Being able to travel and have an apostolic ministry would fit perfectly with homeschooling....
.....balance.... One day at a time - led by the Spirit.
I really just want to be obedient. I'm not looking for more work. I know that I need alone time every day. I enjoy the few hours I have while Reece and Raegan are in school....it won't be long before all the girls are in school! I could always go back to school and get my Masters in education. Teaching is definitely in my blood, though I tried to deny it. I love to teach.
I also feel a pulling to pursue an education in counseling..... Maybe it's not children I'm supposed to teach, but something to do with Women's ministry or Family ministry. That is also very close to my heart. The Lord has certainly brought a lot of these types of opportunities our way over the past six years. Would I really be able to do these things if I were homeschooling?
...Lord, I need you to make sense of all of these thoughts! I truly just want to be obedient. Give me wisdom to know what step to take next. ...everything I am for Your Kingdom...I'm in Your hands and I trust you...
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Our Disney Perspective
Where to stay:
Staying at one of the Disney resorts gives you the most benefits - there are special bonus hours for Disney resort guests and little perks that other guests don't have access to. If that's a little too much for the budget, staying in Lake Beuna Vista is the next best. You're minutes from the parks and most resorts have complimentary transportation to and from the parks. We have a timeshare in Lake Buena Vista - if you're ever interested in using it, let us know!
Disney Parks:
The Magic Kingdom is the most fun for the little ones (and adults). It's also the most popular park - but that's for good reason. They really know how to do it! It's so magical!
We almost skipped ToonTown at the Magic Kingdom, but it ended up being Reece (5yrs.) and Eliot's (2yrs) favorite land. Their favorite thing was going through Mickey and Minnie's houses. Also, be sure to visit the Hall of Presidents!! Don't miss it!
The Animal Kingdom is second out of all the parks. It's a really fantastic zoo with bells and whistles. The Safari is awesome. Be sure to get there when that park opens and go there first. The animals are most active earlier in the day. By lunch time they're taking naps. This past time we had a giraffe walk right up to our truck - it was amazing! ...such a great experience.
Hollywood studios is good but it is a poorly laid out park. Still there are some good shows there: Beauty and the Beast, Indiana Jones, High School Musical...
The last one out of the four (for little ones) is Epcot. We LOVE Epcot, but it's a little "heady" for the little ones. Raegan is eight and she really enjoyed it, but the little ones missed a lot. They all enjoyed the Spaceship Earth area, The Land and The Sea areas; Innovations is awesome.
If you have a science lover they will be in heaven!! The Innovations area is fantastic! -a word of caution- evolution is very much an accepted philosophy around the Spaceship Earth area of Epcot, but not bad enough to skip. We used each opportunity as a teachable moment.
Moving between parks:
It takes about 2 days to get through Magic Kingdom. Every other Disney park can be done in a morning or afternoon - you may just want to go back and do some of those things again. The transportation between Epcot and MK is excellent, by monorail, but transportation between the other parks is by bus.....not so great. Hollywood Studios does have an option of going to Epcot by boat, which is nice. Because parking is good all day at any Disney park, we found it easier to just drive to the other parks most of the time (except for Epcot to MK and visa versa)
Personally, I would do a hopper pass for a few days and use it to go between the Magic Kingdom and the Animal Kingdom - hit the high spots of Hollywood Studios and Epcot, but then get a ticket for Sea World.
Universal/Sea World vs. Disney:
SeaWorld and Universal both have an awesome option - when you buy a ticket for one day it is good to use for 7 days at no additional cost! It's such a great deal. The girls really loved SeaWorld. You could easily spend several days at SeaWorld.
Universal definitely has some fun rides, and Dr. Suess land was a huge hit, but the park doesn't run nearly as efficiently as the Disney parks. We can't do Disney every year, and when we can't Universal is a great option. However, if you have the funds and you have to choose between Disney and Universal, Disney wins every time - hands down. If you have to choose only one park out of all of the Disney parks - Magic Kingdom wins.
Schedule:
The schedule that worked best for us was to get there when the park opens and stay until lunch. Head back to the resort, have lunch, swim, take naps, and then head back to the parks around 4pm and stay until we were tired. The parks have amazing fire works or lazer shows (except for the Animal Kingdom) every night. Epcot has an incredible lazer show at 9:30 every night. MK has awesome fire works, lit by a real Tinker Belle -which was neat for the girls - at 10:00 every night. Hollywood studios has a fireworks and lazer show at 9:30 - I think that's the right time - every night. We didn't get to that one.
One other thing: Mondays are the busiest day of the week for the parks. I don't know why. I read that before we went, but didn't really believe it.......there was no question of the validity of that statement once we were there..... Avoid going on Monday's if you can - unless it's just a really dead time of year, then it shouldn't really matter. Also, the busiest hours are between 11:00 and 4:00.
Saving Money:
Another great thing is that the parks let you bring in food. We saved SO much money bringing in our own snacks and sandwiches - when we did spend money it was on things we really wanted - ice cream treats, a gift on the last day to bring home, etc.
I think that's everything. Oh, yes, there's one more thing that we didn't take advantage of, but I hear is a wonderful thing for little girls, especially: Character breakfast, lunch or dinner. You have to book these months in advance, but I hear they are a sweet time. The Grand Floridian has the best one - or so I've heard. If your child dresses up, the princess she dresses as will spend extra time with her...just fyi:) I'm sure if you google Character meals at Disney you'll find lots of info, if that's something you're interested in.
That's all I've got - I hope it's helpful for your next trip to Orlando:)
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