I'm on a journey of forgiveness that began a few months ago when the Lord revealed to me that I needed to forgive the woman my dad has had an ongoing affair with for the past 10 years. I really didn't think I had a "forgiveness" problem!! I usually brush offenses off pretty quickly, and am quick to forgive when asked. The one thing that I knew I had a hard time forgiving was disloyalty. Being loyal is a very high characteristic on my list. But the Lord has revealed another layer: forgiving those that hurt the ones I love.
I've realized over the past few weeks that I am a LOVER of justice. I have always been a lover of justice, but never put words to that aspect of my character. I wear a big "J" on my chest for JUSTICE (as my friend, Meredith says). And I've always worn it proudly...until now. I'm very open about how much of a protector I am - whether it's friends, family, friend's children, my own children - I am like a mother bear if those I love are hurt. I'm fierce and ruthless.
We returned to Cinci for a wedding this past weekend (which was so precious, by the way), and I was forced to deal with some unfinished business. Usually when I am hurt by someone I quickly forgive and am still filled with love when I see them. But this time I did not have that reaction.
My reaction to seeing them really surprised me. As I rode in the car to the reception praying over my unforgiving heart it dawned on me! It wasn't an offense against me that I was so upset about....it was against Gavin...Gavin! I was still in protector mode.
Gavin had already forgiven what had happened. He had actively pursued reconciliation. So why was I still having such a hard time forgiving? I know forgiveness is about setting me free, not letting them off the hook. I know to forgive whether or not I am asked! I thought I had forgiven them. And yet...."repulsed" is clearly not a sign of a heart that has forgiven....
As I prayed over my unforgiving heart the Lord put Micah 6:8 on my lips. "What does the Lord REQUIRE of you? To DO justly, LOVE mercy, and walk humbly with your Lord". Whoa! I clearly saw that I had been a LOVER of justice, not mercy. I had loved justice at the sacrifice of mercy. I needed the Lord to have mercy on me and change my heart.
That's the new journey in forgiveness that I'm beginning: to be one that DOES justly, but LOVES mercy, and will walk humbly with my Lord. Your prayers are appreciated!
7 comments:
You rock, my friend. In the middle of this most poignant post, you include what might be the funniest line ever written on this topic:
"'Repulsed' is clearly not a sign of a heart that has forgiven..."
Hysterical, and so true. Bless you as you wade into that three-part Micah recipe :)
Love you Em.....Wish we could have seen more of you. That is a powerful quote... to do justly, but to love mercy. Challenging words to live by.
Em, I appreciate your candor and am thankful that you are choosing to be so vulnerable.
You know you have my support, and my company, on this most difficult journey of forgiveness.
Yeah...I'm official. I finally have a google account and can leave comments. I love reading your blogs and seeing the awesome pictures.
When I think of how God has blessed me with you as a daughter, my cup overflows. Thank you for sharing your heart. I must say AGAIN in thinking about my children and grandchildren...yes.and in- law children....."These are my children, in whom I am WELL pleased." ( Thanks God for such a great way of expressing a parent's love.)
Wow....I'm looking forward to seeing your writings throughout this journey. I'm on the same journey of forgiveness too. You are amazing and you write beautifully!
Emily,
i am so impressed! this is a great way to keep up with you guys...i really liked the pictures too :). we really enjoyed having you guys the other weekend and look forward to seeing you soon.
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