These are words that I have recently felt spoken deep in my spirit. "Abide in Me". At a moment when I was calling out for understanding, these are the words He spoke to me. And as I think, wonder, pray over what those words mean to me right now, in this present season, a new chapter of faith is unfolding before me.
My times of prayer have, in great measure, been spent asking "what does that look like right now?". Certainly this phrase is not a new concept to me. However, as each new season, trial, etc. presents itself the meaning of that phrase is not so easy to define. Sure, I could offer up the definition of Abide:
"continue, remain, survive, last, persist, stay, live on; obey, observe, follow, keep to, hold to, conform to, adhere to, stick to, stand by, act in accordance with, uphold, heed, accept, go along with, acknowledge, respect, defer to"
...but those are just words. I love them - lots of great words there, but what do they mean to me, living out this life of faith, day to day? This is where the beauty of the living, Holy Triune - three in One, God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit speak into my life; speak to my spirit. This moment of questioning is where I surrender my understanding of these words "Abide in Me".
I come before my Holy, Holy, Holy God and ask for wisdom and insight. ...and He meets me there.
Brilliant!
Suddenly my eyes are opened and I see wounds that have not been forgiven - never even dawned on me there was a need to forgive this person. This woman who the enemy has used, and my dad allowed, to tear our family apart by having an ongoing affair with him for the last 10 years - I'm supposed to stop hating her (I've HATED her for 10 years) - even more, I'm supposed to forgive her.... I can't believe I was so blinded by my hatred that I couldn't see this no-brainer!! I thought forgiving my dad was enough, and am still walking down that road with minor set backs from time to time.
And yet, here I am again....."what does that mean, Lord?", "forgive her?!", "what does that look like?".
"Abide in Me"
I trust You, Lord. Forgive me. Change me.
2 comments:
the way you can draw your thoughts out and convey them to others is truly beautiful. i have always enjoyed that about you.
you've made me think. i will carry this with me today.
thank you for sharing so openly.
mother teresa once said, "Prayer enlarges the heart until it is capable of containing God's gift of himself."
i see you enlarging your heart and welcoming God into this area of your heart that you need healing. i see you seeking complete freedom and a clean heart. i see you wanting to love God without any hindrances. this is good, em. i love it that you aren't content where you are.
Honestly, I think we have to keep forgiving. Seventy times seven, you know? We aren't like God who fogets when He forgives. We remember the pain and the hurt every time we think about certain things. So we have to forgive again and again. It does get easier. Just think of how many times we have been forgiven by our Lord? "Forgive, just as in Christ God forgave you." God forgives completely, not holding our sins against us.
I think this is what I've learned about forgiveness. It doesn't seem like there can be true forgiveness without the other person repenting and admitting how they have hurt you. My mother is a perfect example of this. Does that mean I can't forgive her until she asks me too? I'm not sure that will ever happen. I have to choose to love her and choose to forgive her and treat her with respect and kindness. When the pain comes up, I have to ask God for help to forgive her. I don't think we will ever really be reconciled until she admits her wrong, but we can live at peace with each other because I have sought God about it. Does it mean that it is easy? No, but it is possible.
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