I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving. What a wonderful time of year to reflect on all God has blessed us with. The beginning of our Thanksgiving was joyous. Mom came up and we had a great Thanksgiving feast with our friends, Athena and her four children, and Athena's mom, Lona. We had dance-off's with the kids, had the parade going on in the background, watched Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving, talked, sang, sent "cheers" around the table for all we were thankful for, talked some more...and definitely ate!!:)
Raegan did an amazing job dancing as the Meritoll doll in the Nutcracker; two performances on Saturday and one on Sunday. Then mom headed for home after the first performance, after being with us for 4 wonderful days.
...enter mixed feelings, stage right...
Dad and Dorothy came up on Saturday evening for a second round of Thanksgiving festivities. This is the first time she has been in our home. My countenance immediately falls, and I get a pit in my stomach, every time I think about this, or thought about it over the past few weeks. I knew they would be there when Raegan and I returned home Saturday evening from The Nutcracker (I volunteered all day backstage, during both performances). The wonderful thing is that our friends, the Pryor's, were also coming that night. They were stopping over for one night on their way on up to Marblehead, MA - the whole family!!! (including their newborn that we hadn't met yet:))
It was great visiting with the Pryor's, holding that precious little Kiara, visiting with the rest of the kids: Kelsey, Jackson, Sydney and Elisa, having our family prayer time together with them before bed, and staying up WAY too late talking with Jeremy, April, Jen and Athena. (Thankfully Dad and D went to bed soon after we arrived home so I didn't have to deal with those emotions yet.)
We had another nice Thanksgiving feast Sunday afternoon, then headed out, our family and Dad and D, to watch the last performance of The Nutcracker. Raegan did such a great job!! It was great to finally get to see her do her thing. (I hadn't gotten to see any of the performances on Saturday because of helping out in the dressing rooms) Everyone did a great job. Elle even sat through the entire performance this year!!!!!
Dad and D just left (Tuesday morning) and I still feel sick. I realized last night as Gavin and I were lying in bed talking about everything, that I hadn't even looked up since Sunday evening. I don't even want to look at her...and you know I'm a big eye contact girl... I'm sad. ...I'm sad.
I'm repulsed by her. There is nothing lovely or attractive about her. ...Nothing!
And yet...
Rom 5:7-8 (NIV)
7Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
While we were repulsive to Him, Christ sacrificed himself for us...
This has been a great sacrifice and we will be having a LOT of conversations with the girls this afternoon and the days and weeks to come, about all they saw and heard.
Did we do the right thing? I have no idea. I believe we did what we were supposed to do ...but it may take me a few days to come out from under this dark cloud.
Your prayers and thoughts are appreciated.
2 comments:
I have heard your heart. I know you are exhausted from it all.
The sun will shine again for you soon. Enjoy the simple joys within your home today.
Call me anytime.
You are not alone.
I love you.
Hi Emily,
I have been thinking about you and praying for you alot since reading this post. I know that divorce under any circumstance is painful especially for children. I do think that viewing this through the lense of the gospel is the best way to see Dorothy. Just thinking of how wretched our own sins were against a just God, puts into perspective other people's sins against us. The fact that He sent his son to die for us when we were still His enemies can help us to extend forgiveness to those who have hurt us. I think you need to give yourself a lot of grace as you deal with your emotions, recognizing that unlike God its hard for us to forget even when we forgive. I would also encourage you to seek godly counsel whether its from a supportive friend, Gavin or even your pastor. I think sometimes just talking it out can really help us sort through the pain. Now that some time has past the emotions may be subsiding, but they will probably rise again the next time you are with her. I love you and will keep praying that God will use this in your life to make you more like His Son whom you serve.
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