just because

These were some cutie pie pictures I took today. The girls were all ready for their dance class and they had both requested "piggy tails". They both picked out their own outfits, as usual. Roo usually comes out with some crazy combinations, but this outfit was too cute. I couldn't resist the opportunity to take some pictures and share them.

Elle has found her feet over the past two weeks. It's a sweet season. Though she is still not sleeping through the night, she is only getting up once at night, so I know we're trending in the right direction!! It won't be long now!!!:).....hehehe (nervous laughter...)

Gavin is on a "tour" right now, because he is, after all, a rock star. He flew to Indianapolis last night, drove from there to Chicago today, and will be flying to Cinci tomorrow, to finally return home tomorrow night. The girls and I miss him terribly. Rae is very dramatic about his being gone. She requested the "Daddy sing me to sleep" CD, which features all male Christian artists singing songs from a father's perspective to their children. It's a very sweet CD.

We're also reading Bridge to Terabithia, and Leslie died tonight. ....bad timing ...hehehe (more nervous laughter). Oh well. What are ya gonna do?! We prayed...a lot, and talked ...a lot. Then the power went off for a moment prompting us to find the lanterns from their camping excursion with their daddy. So, they both have their lanterns by their bed with strict instructions to calmly turn them on and come to my room if the power goes out again. I hope it doesn't. We live in the woods and it is VERY dark, when the power goes out...it freaks me out a little, too, but I play it cool:) ...with a flash light by my bed.

Playdates

Here are a few pictures from recent play dates. I finally picked up some boy dress up clothes, since the dad's weren't too crazy about their sons playing princesses with the girls. I can't figure out why?! The best dad story was from our wonderful friends, Chris and Kristy from a couple of years ago, actually, but I still think about it and laugh. I've been meaning to get boy dress ups since then, and have only this past week accomplished my goal. So have no fear, Chris! Stetson, can now choose between being a fireman, army man, or superman!!:)

The girls couldn't wait to try the new outfits on!

The other pictures are of the play date we recently had with Emma and her sisters (Katie is a year old, not pictured). Bethany and Reece are about the same age and have very similar temperaments. They all get along great. Emma and Rae are wonderful friends:) They come from a really cool family, as well. Gavin and I both really enjoy their parents and are so happy that these girls have found each other for a season. (Reece may be in the same class as Bethany this coming year!)

MYB - what a delight!

(Both girls are taking dance/gymnastics from the Little Gym, where these pictures were taken. The girls both enjoy it very much, but this is about Rae's other dance class. I just wanted you to be able to see them in their cute dance outfits:))

For the last four weeks we have been driving up to Silver Springs, MD every Wednesday for the Maryland Youth Ballet summer session, for Raegan. From the first week I could tell that this would be a special opportunity for Rae, who loves to dance more than anything else right now.

The MYB enforces a very strict dress code: hair must be pulled back in a tight bun, pink tights and a pink leotard. This set the tone for what to expect. We've never had a strict dress code before. I mean, in the past dance classes, the girls usually where the same basic dance outfit, but this was different. I loved it!

Each week, as Rae emerged from her class, she held her head a little higher than she had before she entered. She did a great job and excelled under the excellent tutelage of Mrs. Cox, who's been teaching for over 30 years.

The weeks have flown by, and I've had great conversations with the other mom's there. I didn't even realize that this was our last week, until we were starting to say goodbye to Rae's teacher. I couldn't believe it! I even had to ask several other mom's just to confirm that this was indeed our last week.

We were treated to a dress rehearsal of the ballet the older students are performing at Wolf Trap next week. It is called 'Caroline goes to the Museum'. It was such a delight!! They did a great job! It was a wonderful experience that we all enjoyed immensely!

We left today feeling so blessed. Rae was very sad to not be coming back, but we all decided to think on what a great experience it had been instead. Sometimes the Lord blesses us with small blessings that give us memories to last a lifetime.

All good things come from you, Lord. This was a very good thing. Thank you for your many blessings!!

Still Celebrating

As is tradition in the Brown family, I am still celebrating my birthday from last Wednesday! We "Brown girls" have an uncanny way of stretching out our birthday's. It's been the running joke for so many years, beginning with my mom.

Speaking of mom, she has been here since last Friday, as part of my birthday. She has been such a blessing, as usual! While she has been here I have slept in every morning (a great perk since I'm still having to get up twice through the night to feed Elle), this morning I even got breakfast in bed!!!! She has done the laundry (the dreaded task in my house), and let me sneak away for a few spa baths. That's right! I have actually shaved my legs more than once over the past five days! ....it's been a while:)

She is so wonderful with the girls, spoiling them just enough not to ruin them and still holding them to a standard of discipline that is expected in our home. Someday I hope she'll be able to have a restful vacation when she visits, but for now she works very hard to help me with the many tasks of our young family. She is amazing! I can't do enough to sing her praises. I am so blessed to be her daughter. I couldn't have asked for a more precious birthday present than to have her here for a visit.

I received another birthday present tonight from my dear sister. Most of you know that she is away for the year on a mission trip with Adventures in Missions. She, and her team, are joining already established and functioning missionaries and groups to serve orphanages, facilitate camps and whatever else needs to be done...including building a bamboo fence from scratch. She has been in the S. Africa region for the past two months and is soon heading to Thailand.

We all miss her terribly, though we are so happy for this life changing opportunity. Few days go by without one of us mentioning how much we miss her, or sharing a memory about her. (Jen, this week Rae and I were cooking something, I can't remember what now, but she stopped and looked down at the floor, as only Rae can, and then said "I'm remembering how we used have cooking shows with Aunt Jenny. I really miss her, Mommy". It was very sweet and we said a little prayer for you. The girls pray for you every night and it's always something different.)

Her birthday present to me was writing a blog in honor of me. It was very moving. By far, this is my most treasured birthday present. Thank you, Jenny for your kind words. I am equally blessed and humbled by your love.

(you can check out what she wrote by going to her blog, under my favorite stops on the left, if you're interested.)

Gavin and I will still have a bit of celebrating to do when we attend the Indigo Girls concert in late August at Wolftrap! I'm so excited.

I am so blessed! Thank you for a birthday to be remembered!

Reshaping how siblings interact

I realized something today, as I was having one of many recent conversations with Raegan regarding the subtle, destructive way she acts toward her sister sometimes.

Having an older brother and younger sister was a wonderful way to grow up. Though my brother picked on us relentlessly, and until someone was crying. He was also there to take up for me if anyone hurt my feelings or threatened me in any way. My younger sister and I had many, and still do have many, arguments and subtle "competitions". We would also, however, have people constantly mistaking us for best friends because we got along so well. We would sneak into the closet (it was a large, walk-in) at night with our flashlights and tell stories and read and giggle, too many times to count, always getting found out and ordered back to bed.

The getting along aspect of our relationship was certainly a credit to how our mom raised us. I remember very vividly her speech about how "you may have a problem with each other behind closed doors, but when you walk outside these doors you better act like best friends". She knew that eventually, it wouldn't be acting. We became accustomed to treating each other with respect.....for the most part, while in public and we didn't have to act like friends, we just were.

Now, behind closed doors was another subject entirely. We fought hard and often, over little things and big things. I still have some raw feelings regarding the way my brother and sister were closer than my brother and I were. We competed constantly, for my mother's attention, my father's attention, who was better at this or that, who was more responsible, etc.

The relationships I had with my brother and sister helped form who I am today. I have great memories and strengths because of those relationships, and great wounds and baggage, as well.

What came to me today during my discussion with Rae, was the power we older siblings have over our younger siblings, especially in our younger years. Rae has always been jealous of Reece, since the second day we had her home and Rae asked if we would "please take her back to the hospital, now". She was less than thrilled when we explained, again, how Reece was now a part of our family and wasn't going anywhere.:)

As I observe my girls together, I see the mistakes I made as a big sister. Gavin and I are constantly teaching the girls that we treat each other with respect. If we see either one of them treating the other disrespectfully we jump on it immediately. Though this may not always be true, Rae's actions usually have the purpose of pushing Reece down and making herself seem better. Her reactions to situations where Reece is being celebrated, is to make a comment that would point out the flaw in Reece.

As I tell Raegan that she has a lot of power over how her adoring sister will soon view herself, I realize that I, too, had this same power over my sister. As I council Reagan on how she has been given a lot of responsibilities as an older sister to take care of her younger sisters, I realize that I, too, had a huge responsibility to take care of my sister. I realize mostly, how I failed as a big sister.

Oh, I understood that I had a responsibility to take care of her, and you can still observe my mothering tendencies even today if you're around us for too long, but I didn't get the responsibility I had to helping her understand how special she is. I see how Raegan can so easily build her sister up or tear her down, because no one's opinion matters more to Reece than Raegan's opinion. As I tell Rae how Reece will either grow up to love and respect her for the way she treated her, or grow up to resent the way she always made her feel bad about herself, I realize that I could have, and should have done so much more to make my sister feel great about herself.

The great news is that these conversations mean so much to Rae, and she really gets it. I console her sensitive and broken heart by assuring her that I made the same mistakes with Aunt Jennny and she has a chance to be a better big sister than I was. She loves her sisters so much. She's a great big sister!

Siblings are a wonderful gift, if that gift is managed properly. Older siblings have an amazing amount of power over their younger siblings, for the good and the bad. We must continue teaching our little ones that our greatest goal is to be known by our love, which begins behind closed doors in our homes and overflows onto all those around us.

Though I can not change my actions in my adolescent years, I can at least do all that is possible to make sure I learn from my mistakes and foster better relationships, behind closed doors, for my children. This gift of power the older sibling has comes with an expiration date. I want to be sure we teach Raegan, and eventually Reece, how to get the goody out of it while they have it.

This world tells us that all children rebel, all siblings fight and that all families can not stand to be in the same room together. We believe that does not have to be true and we can choose a different path. By the grace and power of God, that will never describe our relationships. As for me, and my house, we will serve the Lord and be known by our love. Dear Lord, please let it be.

The Water Mine

The girls and I try to make frequent trips to the local water, gold mine themed, park just down the road. We had to have a pool for the hot summer days and this seemed like the most affordable way to accomplish this goal.

It is very fun. It is, however, very crazy to see me with three little girls all by myself in this themed water park. Let me paint the scene for you. It's about the size of two large pools put together. The center of the park is shallow water ranging from 3 feet to 1 foot of water filled with covered wagon slides that empty into the pool, forming a big oval area. The slides are all different heights and sizes. Circling this area is another big oval designated as a lazy river, which is about 4 feet deep. The park is designed and geared toward elementary age children, so it's very kid-friendly.

You can either go through the lazy river to get to the shallow area or cross a bridge over the lazy river and go straight to the slides. We always start out in the lazy river, usually floating. This give Reece time to freak out for a few minutes, for Rae to get used to the water, and for Elle to scream at me for a little while for daring to bring her into such cold water....I'm pretty sure she's using words that I can not repeat over such a medium as this....:)

As soon as we all have our bearings and are used to the water we make our way into the more shallow area. By this time, Rae is getting brave and doesn't need her float anymore. I, therefore, put the float (kind of like a life jacket but helps them learn how to swim...very cool!) on Elle, and she loves it.

While I find a central location, Rae makes her way over to the slides. She's great! I'm very proud of how far she's come on her swimming and getting used to going under water. She's also great at getting her head back above water when she goes under. This park is great for teaching children how to swim!

Once Reece has watched her sister go down a few slides she gets her courage up and goes with Rae. She always comes back to me in between trips down the slide, but then gets back out there to go again, even if the dreaded "water up the nose" has taken place. She wants, so badly, to be in the water without her float on, but I only allow it in the 1 foot deep area, just to get her chops wet....no pun intended:)

Elle and I hang out in the water and keep a close eye on the girls. Once she's used to the water, she loves it. She likes to lay back and kick as hard as she can.

If one person has to use the potty we all have to get out and go together. If it's time for me to nurse Elle, we all get out and take a snack break. It gets a little crazy sometimes, but it's worth it. We have a great time.

The only time things are a little difficult is entering and exiting the lazy river. The current is so strong so I have to grab all the girls tightly and very strategically maneuver everyone over the the steps, when exiting, or to a float, when entering. It's never pretty, but usually pretty funny. I always feel very proud of myself by the time we leave, and praise God the whole way home for the strength to do it and for keeping us safe.

For those of you that may read this and have your skin crawl because you think I'm doing something dangerous, I assure you we are very safe. I was a lifeguard all throughout high school and college and I'm always within an arms length of the girls. Also, the pool is covered with lifeguards who take their jobs very seriously. I have been very impressed with all that I have seen regarding the staff at the Water Mine. So have no fear. Pray for us, because being in the water always involves risk, and I appreciate any prayers of safety you may feel led to pray:)

If you're ever in town and feel like going with us, we'd love to show you around, our favorite mini-water park, the Water Mine! It's great fun!

A New Year....A New "Do"

Today is my birthday. I've had a wonderful day filled with lots of kisses, hugs, "happy birthday, mommy"'s, calls from family, emails from friends, dinner at the Melting Pot....of course! And......TICKETS TO SEE THE INDIGO GIRLS!!!! I'm so excited! Our seats are very close to the stage. I can't wait!! The concert is in August at WolfTrap.

The girls were precious to me. We started the day running errands and then headed to the Maryland Youth Ballet in Silver Springs, MD. We ate at Chick Fil A, then shared a mint cookie milkshake together before heading back home to get ready for our birthday dinner at the Melting Pot in D.C.

Even though Elle didn't do so well (cried almost the entire two hours we were there, except for the thirty minute nap she took in the booth) ...she was NOT a happy camper, we still had a great time. Gavin had arranged for a babysitter and dinner at one of our favorite French restaurants, but I told him I'd rather have the whole family together for my birthday. Our ten year anniversary is coming up in a month, and that will be just the two of us, so it was ...nice, even with said screaming baby, to be together tonight. The girls LOVE the Melting Pot. It's always been one of my favorite places, even since middle school when my best friend, Jessica, and her mom invited me to dine with them there.

Gavin and I have celebrated many special occasions at the various Melting Pot's throughout the east coast, and one Cincinnati location:)

Oh, also, I got a new haircut this week in honor of my 31st birthday. It's a big hit:)

Love to all my friends and family, and especially Gavin. These 31 years just would not have been the same without you all!!

Camping Trip was a Success!!

I am very happy to report that the camping trip was a huge success!!! There were a few changes in the plan, the main one being that it was in our back yard instead of with the group from Reston Bible. It worked out beautifully.

Once Gavin set up the tent in the back, even he was excited!

The first night, a thunder storm came up quickly. The rain poured so heavily, and the thunder and lightning were right on top of us. I was so sure they would be coming in that I even went downstairs and turned the lights on, over the back deck, for them. I sat by the window and watched the tent, anticipating three objects running through the back yard shielding themselves from the rain. I prayed for their safety, ...and smiled as I continued to watch and see nothing but a small light, from the lantern, in the corner of the tent. They stayed all night!!!

They came in the next morning so proud of themselves...ALL of them! I was very proud of them, also. I couldn't believe how great they all did! (of course, Gavin needed to sleep until late into the morning in our bed to make up from being wakened all through the night)

I thought they may be a little hesitant to go back out the next night, but they couldn't wait to get back out there. They played cards: Old Maid, Crazy Eights and a Dora Matching game. Gavin told stories and read books. The girls had their daddy all to themselves and they could not have been happier!!

Yay!!!!

Great Conversations

Whenever we move, with the exception being our move to KY since we already had a network of friends set up there, it usually takes us about a year to feel adjusted. This time, it's taken about eight months. I'm already working the back way to events, and places; definitely know where the grocery stores are and which one is the most affordable; running pretty smoothly on a routine. All of this is true, even with the birth of our third daughter four months ago.

Usually the last piece of the puzzle is making friends. Though we started out of the gates strong, having Elle put that effort on the back burner. After four months of survival mode, the Lord is beginning to bring some really cool friendships back into our lives. There is even a man that Gavin is thinking about asking to be a mentor for him!

There are several families that we connected with, instantly, when we first began attending the worship services at Reston Bible Church. Just when I was ready to start looking at other worship services, these family relationships have popped back up. All three of the families have children the girls ages, which is great! And Gavin and I both connect with the husband and wife of each of the couples. I'm excited to see where these friendships go. All three couples are little older than us, but that's usually true for us, since we got married so young.

We already have our very precious friends, the Woods family, who mean a great deal to us. Sammy is a breath of fresh air for Gavin and I love having Renee in my life. She is a wonderful friend. Over the past few months we've been trying to have a girl's night out! It's been so much fun hanging out with her. Their children are adorable and have become great friends with Raegan and Reece. We try to get together with them at least twice a month, and we attend the Episcopal service where Sammy is about to become a priest!! It is a very special thing to receive communion from our dear friend.

The girls are completely adjusted and LOVE being here. Rae is involved in a great dance class at the MYB (Maryland Youth Ballet), which is a GREAT experience for her. They both go to the Little Gym for their gymnastics. Reece is a natural. She's so athletic. They both have very sweet friendships with little girls that are respectful and have parents raising them similar to how we raise our children....which is a lot more rare than you may think.

One aspect that I haven't experienced in a long while, is having some great random conversations. I have been so blessed to have some really great conversations over the past few days, completely unexpected, and with individuals I wouldn't have dreamed. The first series of convos took place on Wednesday at Rae's ballet class. All the mom's have to sit out in the hallway, and there's nothing to do (since there are no windows or glass in the door for us to peak through), except talk to each other, or sit there quietly. If you know me, you know I'm not opting for the "sit there quietly" option. Though I secretly admire those who do.:)

Two of the mom's I met the previous week were already in discussion about something theological. When I sat down they kind of apologetically explained they were having a theological debate. Oh Goody!!!!!:) I told them I was in, and just began listening to what they had to say. We talked about Christian culture - one of the mom's is working on her PhD and her thesis has something to do with how the Christian culture and American culture differ...grossly watering it down, but you get the picture.

Gavin has been exploring this very thought for over a year and we've had many discussion regarding the lack of culture for Christians, so it was a fun and challenging conversation. I loved it!! I left that conversation completely pumped up and exhilarated! I so miss having real theological discussions with other women! I can't remember having anything like that since college....that's crazy, but true!!

Later that evening I had another set of conversations with parents at the Little Gym and then yesterday at a play date .....Raegan and her friend, Emma set up:) They are best friends from school and they really do try to plan a social calendar for our families. It's SO cute:) Each of these conversations were thrilling for me. I don't know what kind of impact they had on the other participating parties, but it was a wonderful way to pass the time, for me, and really fun.

I am so blessed!! I was telling a friend of ours how, ever since we've been here, I have felt rescued. Though it is not perfect, and there are things I miss about living in Cambridge and near our families in NC, I am happy to be here as long as the Lord wants us here. We are happier than we've been, as a family, and as a couple, in a long time. Thank you, Lord. You are so good!

European vs. American smelliness

In high school, we had several summers where my family invited French exchange students to live with us. It made a huge impact on me. As a high school student, I got the great gift of realizing that, although America may just be the greatest country in the world, it certainly isn't the only one! They were summers full of firsts, including the first time I found out that only American women shave their arm pits and wear deodorant:)

All of the girls wore eu de toilet - kind of like deodorant but more like perfume. You could still smell them, though. At the time, I was way too wrapped up in the American way of doing things, and too insecure to ever think about changing my daily grooming habits.

However, as the years pass I have come to appreciate and like our smells, and really appreciate the European grooming traditions. Now, before you start picturing me as some out of control amazon woman, I do still shave every where I'm supposed to, just not as often as I used to. I do not put on deodorant everyday, either.

...I can't believe I'm blogging about this!!! hahaha

My friend and her husband were debating on how often was the accepted application of deodorant. She asked her blog readers to comment because she is used to putting it on after every shower, where as her husband said he only put it on as needed. I started replying to her blog and realized that I was starting to write a blog in response to her question. So instead, I deleted my answer, gave a short and sweet answer and then began this blog! ....just so you know this isn't quite as random as it seems.

So, if you're convinced and you, too, decide to change your daily grooming habits, there are several exceptions to my rule of which you should be aware. When working out...which the Europeans are not known for doing..., if it's outside of the home, one must definitely add some deodorant, so as not to clear out the gym. Also, when meeting new people that may not appreciate your appreciation of the European grooming habits, it's a good idea to dab a little deodorant. After all, it is an acquired smell...:)

So, I like the European smelliness, if I do say so myself. I don't think it's that smelly. And we Americans should be proud of, and embrace our .....pits:)

What do you think?

The tent is up.....

In light of my previous blogs, this title may seem like some kind of existential beginning to a blog....but seriously, the tent we bought today really is up..even now...in our living room...the dance area, to be specific:)

Here's the story, I'm already smiling, I found out yesterday at our worship service, that there is a Daddy and Kids camping trip this weekend. As soon as I found out I very excitedly began planning the trip, on Gavin's behalf:) Gavin stayed at home with a badly timed cold (he's in the middle of writing), so I came bouncing into the bedroom with my wonderful news! He wasn't as excited as I expected him to be about my proposal.

We talked about it for a few minutes, and though he didn't say no, he certainly wasn't jumping on the band wagon to make this happen. I fed Elle, put her down for a nap and then headed out for a girl's lunch with Rae and Roo. As we sat at lunch the excitement just ..well, overwhelmed me.

Background: Raegan has a best friend, Emma, from school,and she and Emma have been trying to plan a camping trip between our families since, oh I don't know, January? maybe before. Yes, two five year olds were trying to plan something for our families....?!?! so cute. So when I heard about this trip, I just knew she would be so excited to go!!

Back to lunch at Uno's, so I say to the girls, "Guess what?! Daddy may be taking you on a camping trip this weekend!!!!" To which Reece responds "NO.......(wait for it)...........WAY!!" and Raegan is about to jump out of the booth we are so nicely sitting in. So I tell them that Daddy is thinking about it but may need to hear how badly they really want to go, and that they should be sure to ask him when we get home.

I readily admit, this was an AWFUL thing to do to my sweet, wonderful, NOT outdoorsy husband, but COME ON!!! com'on!

So, as we're about to send the girls up to their beds for a nap, I, of course I do, remind them there is something they want to ask their daddy!!!!!;)

Gavin and I had a big laugh. I reassured him that he would thank me for it later, and that I won't make this a habit,...and he agreed to take them camping this weekend, Friday thru Sunday afternoon!!!!!!

Today was "get a tent" day. We went to Target and got some camping supplies since we have NONE, not even a flash light. When we got back home I set up the tent in the living room and the girls played in it the rest of the day.

I'm so excited!!! I wish I could be a fly in the tent while they're there. Gavin is getting excited, too. He talks about it with a smile on his face. I'm praying it is just the most amazing time together.

How cool is it to have your dad all to yourself, camping for a whole weekend?! I'm so excited....did I say that already? I'm not sure if I have adequately communicated my feelings about this coming weekend or not, but I'm pretty happy about it all. Oh, and another really great thing, is that I asked Emma's parents if they would like to join them! Isn't that great?! I hope they can come.

Now, Lord, please don't let it rain and make me repent for suckering my husband into camping when he doesn't like to camp!! Have mercy on me, Lord, really. Please let it be a weekend to remember, for all the right reasons! Thank you for a wonderful husband who is such a great sport and an even more wonderful daddy!

....I'll keep you posted.:)

Thank you, sweet friend, for sending me this song. I love it!


for the video check out this link:
http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=10740214

Finally Free
Nichole Nordeman

No chain is strong enough
No choice is wrong enough
No mountain high enough that He
can't climb

No shadow dark enough
No night is black enough
No road is lost enough that He can't find

And if the Son has set us free
Then we must be, free indeed
Let the chains fall away, starting today
Everything has changed
I'm finally free

No pain is deep enough
No heart could bleed enough
Nothing but Jesus' love can make a way

And if the Son has set us free
Then we must be, free indeed
Let the chains fall away, starting today
Everything has changed
I'm finally free

Fear

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Phil. 4:6

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer. 29:11

I find myself lying in bed praying, rebuking, "taking captive" these thoughts that attempt to fill me with fear. I think of songs like the one from Rich Mullins, "Hold Me Jesus", Matt Redman, "Blessed be Your Name", and Natalie Grant, "Held" for comfort and yet am still burdened. Here are the words for "Held". Honestly, they scare the crap out of me - sorry to be so crude.

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

Matt Redman wrote "Blessed be Your Name" in response to the 9/11 attacks. He was also inspired by the verse out of Job when Job observes all he has lost and yet chooses to praise the Lord. I read an interview with Matt about this song where he talks about the need for everyone to have a song of lamentations.

The power to choose to bless God's name in the midst of pain and a broken heart can only come from our great Comforter. He is the One that comforts us so that we comfort others that will experience similar brokenness. (2 Cor. 1)

I have experienced, and lived this throughout my life, except for one time. I was completely blind-sided by an earth shattering event. I didn't choose to praise the Lord through it. God quickly brought me to a place where healing began, in which I then praised Him.

I've always thanked God for the child-like faith He gave me as a very young child and throughout my young adult life. I've had, like so many, some pretty awful things happen to, and around me throughout my childhood and yet, that child-like faith had me choosing to praise the Lord and accept His healing in every circumstance - except this one. It planted a seed of fear in me that has never quite been resolved.

I was set free from so much of this fear that controlled my life and was causing me to have a lot of doubts about God's goodness, about two years ago. I can now say, with all confidence, that God is good and He loves me. I trust Him and the plan He has for me. Praise the Lord!!

However, how can you......is there a healthy way to know this, trust in Him and His plan and yet still not feel so great that tragedies still happen? To question why this is true?
My mom always asks "why not?", whenever I pose this question to her. This seems like such a waste of time to think through this and ask such questions and yet they hover over me. I would love to put these questions to rest and live out the peace that I know passes all understanding.

I think of a sermon I heard from Pastor Dave, Cambridge Vineyard, where he spoke on the passage about giving thanks in EVERY circumstance, for this is God's will for you, from Thes. 5:18, which completely challenged my understanding of this, seemingly, simple verse. To thank God even for our hardships seems crazy. (awesome sermon btw) It was extremely helpful and something I had never heard from a pulpit before or since. I still struggle with this concept but know that it is true.

The stakes are higher now than they used to be. I am SO thankful for my life. I love being home with our girls. Though I look forward to one day returning to the workplace, I cherish these days with the girls that I know are fleeting. I know I will have to start over when that time comes, most likely returning to school for a degree that will allow me to re-enter the workplace. I wouldn't be able to support our family on my own right now if I had to. We have three beautiful girls with so much potential, and so much life ahead of them.

...the stakes are so much higher now than they used to be.

And yet, I trust You, Lord. Though this body counsels me to fear, I will sing out, blessed be Your name. Set me free from this lingering fear that arrests me in my sleep. Fill me with your peace, Holy Spirit, that passes all my fears, logic, understanding. You are good, Lord. Your mercies never fail. Your love endures forever. Put these questions to rest. Protect us, Lord. Do not let any weapon forged against us prosper. Bless us, Father, with health, wisdom, strength, safety, compassion and ready hearts. I trust You, Lord. I know this life is not easy, and I thank you. I have a beautifully blessed life and I thank you for that, as well.

When the sun is shining, and the world is all as it should be - blessed be your name.
On the road marked with suffering, and when there is pain in the offering - blessed be your name.

Let your grace be poured out over our family, please Lord, that this may be the legacy and blessing we pass on to our future generations.


...forgive these ramblings and sometimes incoherent thoughts. I'm just trying work through this. I do think, though, as I read back through, that my focus needs to shift in a BIG way off of the impending doom and onto His goodness. ...more later:)

Yummy

We are celebrating our 10th year of marriage this year! Praise the Lord! It's amazing to me that so many years have flown by, and despite a bump in the road, we are still each other's best friend and favorite person to be with in this world. As I reflect on this, there is a major piece of advice I'd love to pass on. So, if I may: Find things in common to share, outside of your children!

One of the many things Gavin and I love, and enjoy sharing together, is food. We LOVE tasting and discovering new dishes. Our favorite cuisine is French, though we also enjoy Thia, Indian, Mexican, etc. French is, by far, my favorite. Lamb is my favorite meat, crab is my favorite seafood....just as an fyi.

Part of enjoying food together also involves watching the occasional cooking show, like Top Chef and Hell's Kitchen. We prefer Top Chef because you actually get to see some amazing art prepared in the form of food. It truly is an art form! These chefs are so talented. It's crazy the things they do with food.

Here we are tonight, catching up on tivo (Trish, I'm thinking of you:)), watching the last few episodes of Top Chef. The food is fantastic. I would love to be there taste-testing these dishes: lobster, crab, lamb, homemade watermelon champagne!!!!! There's no need to say more.

...Finally, the reason I write. Here we sit, very high caliber food displayed for us, and what do we crave? Literally, no joke, I would do some crazy things to get my hands on a frozen pizza right now.....except, of course, get in the car and drive to store to get one. My common sense kicks in when I think it through. I would just really like for one to be in the freezer over there.

So, I'll have some strawberries and try to forget about my pizza, but don't think I won't buy a few the next time I get to the grocery store....for the next time this rare craving hits us.:)

Bon apetit!

Drama!!

In our home, drama is a staple. Not crazy, Jerry Springer drama, but drama nonetheless. We have small bouts of dramatic episodes. The performance usually is given by Raegan or Reece. Many times Gavin takes a turn, especially if he's feeling the slightest bit ill. I must also admit my occasional dramatic performance, which could in fact be Oscar worthy, I might add.

I've always had a sense of missing my calling as a dramatic actor/comedian.....but I digress..:)

The dramatic performance today was given by the incomparable Raegan Long, who was feeling a teeny bit under the weather and, therefore, was milking it for ALL it was worth. And, it turns out, is still trying to milk it long after she should be asleep.

*pause* to go get some medicine for her, which she has requested, and yet is back asleep before Gavin can get it back in the room.

Okay, we're back. Now, to be fair, she does have a slight cold. And this cold is pretty serious....when she's paying attention to it.

I must also add here that she does come by her dramatic nature fairly. I'm telling you the truth, that no one has ever had a cold or cough episode like Gavin has had one, anytime he has one. hahaha. The boy almost dies every time he gets the sniffles. It's serious.

I wouldn't say so about myself, of course, but my friends say that I am quite the actor/comedian, as well. (a little shout out to Jane Austen..I always love that line from Emma)

If it weren't for our dramatic natures I don't think we'd have nearly as much fun around here, or as many quarrels, but hey, you take the good with the bad, right?! (but we have far more fun than we do quarrels)

Back to Rae, she did the tissue dance on and off throughout the day. What's that? You don't know the tissue dance? I'll explain: you sit with a glum look on your face, and a box of kleenex in front of you, then blow your nose; get up and walk to the furthest place possible to throw it in the trash, preferably across the room (because mom hasn't noticed the dance yet and brought you a bag to put your tissues in, poor you!). Then you immediately start the process again, even if you don't really have to blow your nose!! It's quite an intricate dance. You may need to practice first. Don't be too hard on yourself if you don't get it right the first few times. Practice makes perfect!

You know you have successfully performed the tissue dance if your loved one offers to get you a bag to put your tissues in. If you have to ask for one, you've either performed poorly or not properly trained the respective loved one sitting in the room with you.

Do I sound cold hearted?! Nay, do not say such things. When my children are really sick or hurting I am very nurturing. I admit that nurturing is not my strongest trait, but when there is real sickness my grand nurture-nature shines through like a beacon of healing light on a cloudy day. ...Of course, I wouldn't say so about myself, but all my friends say it is so.

Then you may hear Gavin's account of the time his co-workers had to convince me of how they thought he really was sick and should go to the emergency room, which I thought was silly, only to later find out that he was passing a kidney stone.......hehehe. Everyone makes mistakes. But that's what Gavin would say, and you can't always believe everything you hear.

Drama! It is a spice of life, and I'm secretly happy to see my children have some, under control, harmless, laugh-worthy, enjoyable dramatic skill:)

Eliot is born

I'm only four months behind in blogging about this. My new summer's resolution is to be a better blogger.......don't hold your breath:)

Eliot Katherine Long was born on March 7th, 7:13am. She weighed 7lbs and 1oz and was 21 inches long. Everyone that had their hands on her, from the moment she arrived, commented on how feisty she was. I was not at all surprised by this because she was very feisty even in the womb, one of the reasons we were convinced that she would be a boy! She gave me more trouble than either of my other pregnancies.

She was named after T.S. Eliot, one of Gavin's favorite poets, and Katherine, because he has always wanted a Katherine. The final reason for her name is because I couldn't stand to have another "R" name. I think it's cute when other families all have the same initials but that was never something I wanted. Reece got her name because she looked more like a Reece than a Jaden. Therefore Raegan and Reece share the same initials: REL. I didn't want Eliot to feel left out so we made it to where she shares my initials: EKL. I love that:)

Four months later, she is still feisty, and precious, and loving, and gentle, and simply amazing. This little one completely has my heart. She makes me so happy. She is a dream to hold and kiss. She's starting to reach out and grab things she wants, usually my hair, nose or the nearest toy - Gavin's nose is also quite popular. She seems ahead of the curve on everything. Already she exhibits signs of a fighter. The word I had for her as I was pregnant was "Justice". (..another reason why I assumed this would be a boy. That just seems like a word for a boy.) As I've continued to pray over her, though, that word is still in my prayers. I also throw 'a heart of compassion' in there since those normally geared to love justice aren't exactly the most compassionate lot:)

She is a beautiful combination of Raegan and Reece, also. She has Raegan's alertness and Reece's gentle heart. They are a precious three.

Reece connected with her immediately. I was afraid she would have some jealousy, as Raegan did when we brought Roo home, but she didn't have a single bit of jealousy in her at all. She welcomed Elle with open arms and hasn't gotten enough of her yet. Reece's big heart blesses me so greatly everyday, especially when I see her with her sisters. Raegan was having a hard time connecting at first because she was still in school during the day and not getting the same time with Elle as Reece had. As soon as she figured out she could hold her like a big girl, something only she could do, she was immediately hooked on her new little sister. She still LOVES to walk around holding Elle, and is completely infatuated.

We are blessed.